THE END OF MY DANIEL FAST

WARNING:  THIS IS AN EXTREMELY LONG POST 

Fifty days!  If you’d have asked me at the beginning of this fast what I was thinking, I couldn’t have told you. It began as a simple whim in response to one sentence my daughter Amanda made while having lunch with me.  That one sentence was a seed that quickly began to take root.  The gist of what she told me, was that her Church in Wynne, Arkansas does a corporate 21 day Daniel Fast at the beginning of the year.  They do it for clarity, and direction, but as I sat listening to her, I became intrigued.  After I decided I wanted to do this for myself, I sat down and made a list of things I wanted answers for in my life, and things I wanted for the faith fellowship I love.  Then came the decision for how long I would fast.  It was one week before Resurrection Sunday (Easter) and I’d already embarked on a partial fast that week.  By Wednesday night, I felt impressed to fast till Pentecost Sunday.  That simple, that easy. 

As some of you have kept up with my journey, you’ve probably wondered what I was asking prayer for, and what I’ve gained. Others of you will probably care less.  I didn’t give you specifics, because I didn’t want someone artificially pumping me up, or purposely working me. One thing I will tell you from the outset, food was not on my mind when I began this, but it became abundantly clear, that food was at the core of everything. 

MY PRAYER NEEDS:

As an INFJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging) personality type, (of which I score in the high 70’s multiple times),  I often find myself at odds with what is expected of me as a father, husband, friend, and pastor, and what I ‘feel’ like doing.  My nature is to withdraw quietly within myself, and only allow a handful of people to get close to me.  I like my little home, with my little office, and the seclusion it affords. When I don’t like something, or someone, it is easy to withdraw, ignore, and isolate myself.    If someone hurts me, or makes unreasonable demands of me, I can simply escape to my little turtle shell.  Not always good, but at least it's safe.

My first prayer request was for God to show me how to love beyond hurt, and pain. 

Loving those who treat us good is easy.  Loving those who agree with us is especially easy.  Loving those who are constantly giving to you is easy.  I like easy.  It’s like those “Staples” commercials with the ‘EASY’ button. Who doesn’t want to keep pressing the ‘easy’ button all the time?  While I've been on this fast, EASY is not what I got.  Almost from the very first day, I was thrust back into past hurtful relationships, confronted with angry clients, and forced to do things I despise.  For example, every job I got called out on for the first two weeks was something I hated to do, and sometimes humiliating.  At 60 years old I was doing the very same things my father had me do when I was fourteen!  Digging holes, cleaning up crap from people’s messy lives, raking rocks, and wrestling railroad ties seemed to be all I was called to do. EASY was not on the menu.  The Holy Spirit was backing me into a corner where there was no way out.  MY PRIDE WAS HURTING. No matter how far I withdrew into my little turtle shell, the Holy Spirit was like a bulldog trying to get me to come out.  One particular day when a long time client cancelled a very long term job, I found myself battling all kinds of evil thoughts.  I won’t tell you the thoughts that came into my mind, but suffice it to say they were feelings of rejection, betrayal, and worthlessness.  I battled these thoughts for two days; “God! I’m supposed to be getting closer to you”  I screamed as I thought of ending the fast and burying my sorrow in a big puffy marshmallow cream filled ‘long John.’  “Where are you God?”   “What’s going on here?!!”  “What’s the use of being on this fast, if things in my life don’t get better.”  Then came the real anger.  “Well, that’s just like ‘so and so’”  I thought to myself.  “He got me all excited about doing a job and then backs out on me.”   By the end of two days I was mad at God, and darn right hateful toward the client.  (Yes, I do get mad at God, and I’m not afraid to admit it, because in the end, I am in fearful awe of Him.) What I think hurts God more than being mad at Him, is when we are angry at one another.  I nursed this anger for another day until Pastor Eric taught on ‘forgiveness’ that Sunday morning.  I’d allowed my desire for EASY to be the bait Satan used to make me angry at a good friend, and a good God.  I didn’t see my friend’s sorrow, nor did I care.  It was all about me.  I went home that afternoon from Church and bawled my eyes out, even as I wrote my blog.  I wanted to tell everyone what had happened, so I could get sympathy, but the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let me.  I had to write the blog three times before my ‘Editor’ (the Holy Spirit) would let me post it.

 

I came out of that time with a better understanding of God’s Presence in the midst of our greatest betrayals.  It is easy to think God doesn’t feel like we do.  He’s God, right?  Nothing touches Him, right?  Wrong!  The next day, as I drove to my first job the Holy Spirit spoke into my resignation.  

“I was betrayed, too.” came the tender voice of the bulldog. “More times than you can imagine.”    

“Come on, God!  You’re wearing it out”  I said to myself.

The Holy Spirit wasn’t about to let me sulk.  “I gave everything I could give, and still people betray me.”  “I make such beautiful plans for people’s lives, and still they choose their own way. I have to watch in sorrow as they cancel out on what I could do for them.”  “You began this fast asking me to help you love beyond yourself, and instead you’ve whined and complained about what’s happened.  I’m asking you to trust me, that this will all be good in the end.”   That morning, I realized I’d slipped into self-pity once more. 

I had to accept that loving beyond myself isn’t a one-time easy fix.  It will be a lifetime of people doing and saying things that hurt me, especially those I cherish most.  Loving them in-spite of themselves is what I’m called to do, even if I don’t like it. 

MY SECOND PRAYER REQUEST WAS TO BECOME MORE DEPENDENT ON THE LORD.

From a strictly human viewpoint, that was the stupidest thing to ask God to do.  For me it was a behavioral change.  I’ve always trusted God, sometimes to the confusion of those who believe I should be more practical.  Still, I felt that there was a deeper dependency than what I’d already given.  I thought when I began it would be about him sustaining my strength without my usual diet.  EEhhhhhhh, No!  What came out of this request was something I’d not even expected, and which is still working in my life.  It was summed up in something my wife said to me during a not too pleasant conversation.  Still the answer was in front of me all the time.

 

As a faith filled Christian, who believes in living my faith out loud, it is hard for me to balance that against my natural skills, abilities, and proclivity to solve things for myself.  Simply put, I’m a doer. I wouldn't be a handyman if I wasn't.   I take after my Dad, who if things are quiet for more than ten minutes, believes something is wrong with his world.  As the ‘fast’ wore on, I found myself confronted with a sudden drop off in work, and cancellations.  I shared a little bit of this with you in an earlier blog, so I won’t bore you with a re-hash.  Suffice it to say, this has been one of the driest two months in the history of my doing the handyman business.  I’m down to the last $600 of my savings, and I don’t have any jobs on the docket.  I’ve questioned God, questioned me, and began thinking of whether I should try to re-enter the ‘employed’ economy.   I was driving home from a small job three days ago (Friday), when I began to murmur about the lack of work, and God’s apparent abandonment of me.  I wondered what the use was of being on this fast if it didn’t produce anything good in me.  Didn’t God see the sacrifice I was making?   Everyone at home, in my church, and in my family is looking at me, and it looks like I’m a fool. ‘Look at super spiritual Dave, he’s on this fast and everything is falling apart around him.’  

“I trusted you, God!”  I screamed out as I pounded my steering wheel.  “Where are you?”   I pulled over at the top of the hill overlooking the city, and sobbed like I haven’t sobbed in a long time.  From deep within me, the Holy Spirit began to calm the tears, I know it was Him, because it was feeling good to keep on crying.  If no one else would give me sympathy, I could at least enjoy a good pout.

NOT!

“When was the last time you asked me for work?”  came the voice of the Holy Spirit from deep within me.

“Umm, Thursday, Lord.”  I answered back smugly.  “Remember I asked for the prayer group to pray for me.” 

“When was the last time YOU asked me for work?” 

I hadn’t.  I’d been too busy, proclaiming, speaking positive, thinking positive, trying to not be a disappointment to my faith. 

“Lord, I need work.”  I said meekly. 

“Not good enough.”  Replied the Holy Spirit.  “I know you need work.” 

“What do you want?” 

That’s when the conversation with my wife came back to my mind.  We’d been discussing in not so easy terms, how people can come off as appearing arrogant when they don’t ask for help.  The modern church has become good at doing the business of church.  As the Church, we’ve become so good at it, that we’ve abandoned the basics of doing ‘CHURCH.’   We  don’t want to impose on people, or make unreasonable demands on people, therefore we often come off as not needing people.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re good at asking for money, or church attendance, but more than that is an imposition.  The truth is, WE ALL WANT TO BE NEEDED. As we become more like Christ, it becomes stronger in us.  Why?  Because that is what God wants, He wants us to need Him.  As our ‘Daddy’ He still gets rocked when we need Him. Our need for His provision is the beginning of our faith if we let it work in us.  He likes it when we get specific with Him.  Why?  Because, the more specific we become with Him, the less chance we have of just passing it off as something other than Him.  Come on, admit it, He’s generically good to all mankind.  He gives rain, to the just, and unjust alike.  Our planet continues to spin as it always has, and will continue to do so for as long as he deems it.  His specific blessings are to those who ‘depend’ on Him.  Every lesson to the Children of Israel throughout the Old Testament was based upon His desire to be their provider.  When we rely upon our own strength to do the impossible, we end up with the feasible, reasonable, and rational.  When we rely on God, we end up with the truly miraculous.  NOW FOR THE EARTH SHAKING TRUTH MOST CHRISTIANS WILL NOT LIKE; God often uses us to be the miracle someone else needs.  We become the only God someone may know. We can become the miracle God wants to work. 

Our greatest disappointments with one another as Christians arise because we didn’t ask or place a demand upon one another.  We assume that the Holy Spirit will inform our brother or sisters of what we need, and that it will just happen.  We assume that simple loving kindness will make our brothers and sisters do the right things, and be all loving, and caring.  That isn’t the case.  Why?  Because most of us, (myself included) are so self-absorbed, battle scarred, or focused on living this life, that we don’t think of other people as we ought to.  I’m the biggest offender.  When we don’t specifically ask for help, we end up carrying  a great big trash bag of disappointments we’ve gathered, and when someone doesn’t think about us as we think they should, we throw it in the bag, and drag it around behind us.  Before long, we become so bitter, we never let the one’s we love off the hook.  I had this lesson taught to me years ago when the Holy Spirit gave me an intimate view into the lives of people who’d disappointed me in my past.  Now, nearly thirty years later, I’m going over the same lesson in a different way.  Here it is in a nutshell.

Ask for help, and ask specifically!   That way, the answer will be yes, no, or maybe later. (Which is yes, but not now.)  Give people an informed opportunity to either disappoint you, or surprise you.  Forgive them when they disappoint, and acknowledge them when they surprise you.  If we don’t give people a chance to disappoint us, we come across as arrogant, and conceited. We have to afford people the opportunity to be the outstretched hand of God.  This makes us yielded, and vulnerable at the same time.  The bible calls it being submissive, which doesn’t only apply to being a servant, but also to allowing others to serve us.  When we’re vulnerable, we’re transparent. 

I’ve learned over the past 60 years, that some people are marvelously adept as meeting the needs of others, and other people simply want to feel needed by being asked.  We also have to learn to be honest, and forthright when a demand is placed upon us. Generic requests for help doesn't acknowledge the gifts we see in people's lives.  We all want to feel that what we do is valued, whether it is making that special cake, or cookies, or knowing how to fix a car, or providing transportation.  Yes, it can become routine, and even expected, but then don’t we treat God the same way.  We treat God like a vending machine that we believe spews out goodness just because we do good things, when actually he’s a cupboard full of good things waiting for us to ask if we can have some.  His favor is that we can ask.  It isn’t necessary to be strong all the time.

PRAYER REQUESTS FOR MY FAITH FAMILY

My prayer requests for my faith family are still in work.  I’ve already told you one thing I would like to see done in our church, and I'm waiting for the answer.  We have so many needs in our old building, and I become so frustrated when I either don’t have the time or the money to fix them. I'm believing God for the funds to allow me to be employed full time at the church,  That’s what I’ve been praying for.  I know, it’s self-serving.  I grimace when I write it.  Then, when I step into our building, I hurt because I know what I could do.  I’d just like to spend my last remaining years doing what I do best for the Lord. Then somebody call the Waaambulance before I die of self-pity. 

THE GOOD STUFF

OKAY, now for the good stuff, or maybe not.  This fast put me in touch with my body in a way I’ve never experienced before.  I’ve learned what sugar has done to me.  None of it good.  AS OF TODAY I’ve lost 28 pounds.  I now weigh 160 pounds!  Now, at 5’ tall, this isn’t an ideal weight, and I still have a belly.  I’m down to a 34” waist, which is what I had when I left the Air Force back in 1995.   When I left the Air Force I weighed 148 pounds, although my ideal weight is supposed to be 95 to 127 pounds, I haven’t weighed 95 pounds since my junior year in High School.  I weighed 128 pounds when I went into the Air Force.  So, with all of that said, I would be happy to weigh between 128 to 135 pounds as I cruise toward the end of my life.  I lifted weights while stationed on the Stealth Fighter, and I expect that a good deal of my ‘excess’ weight is muscle mass.  When I get down to 140 pounds I’d like to do a real BMI test to discover how much of me is muscle, bone, and fat.  Charts, and calculators don’t take into account people’s  body style.   So the weight loss was exciting, and addictive.  As I step off the fast, I intend to stay as close to the fast as possible.  No more soda pop, no more added sugars, and a huge change in bread intake.  Hamburgers, and hot dogs are a thing of the past.  Not because of the meat, but because of the breads.  I’ll have to be careful with potatoes, because I do love potatoes. Mostly, one of the things that’s changed is a desire to stay on this for my wife Glenda.  She’s been battling diabetes for the last fifteen years that I know of, and who knows how long before that.  I didn’t begin this with her in mind, but as I saw the correlation between her ‘diabetes’ diet and the Daniel fast, it became a powerful reason to stay into it.  I can continue this forever, if it allows her to be healthier longer.  That wasn’t in me before the fast. Before the fast, it was ‘her problem’, and I didn’t want it to affect what I ate.  I would take her out to eat with little concern for what it meant for her.  Now, I find myself understanding her situation.  So much of our western diet is more than we need, and not good for us.  Oh, it tastes good going down, but it ends up debilitating us in our golden years.  I realize how much I love fresh veggies, (just not asparagus, because I think of ‘Junior Asparagus’ every time she gets one from the garden.)  I also realize what I’ve done to my metabolism by ingesting all the sugar that I have.   

END OF LECTURE.

Finally, if the weight loss wasn’t reason enough, I also learned how sugar affects my moods, and my drive.  If I’d not been doing the fast, and still going through everything I’ve gone through this last fifty days, I would have lost it.  My emotions are on a much more even keel.  Believe me, as you’ve already seen, I still make mistakes, and occasionally my old stinking thinking tries to wake up, but overall, the fast has shown me how sugar regulated my life.   I’m actually looking forward to another Daniel fast, but this time I’d like it to be a 21 day fast with my faith family.   Heck, if a meat and potatoes guy like me can go 50 days, anyone can.  

Oh, and by the way, I ended the fast with a plate of Chili Colorado from Nopalitos here in Harrison Arkansas.  I didn't eat the rice, I had refried beans without cheese, and corn tortillas.  All in all, I feel good.

So, here is to believing God for more than I can ask for, more than I can dream of, and more than I can hope for.  I'm ready God. 

God Bless, thank you for all your prayers, and may all your desires be God’s desires.