HUMBLE BEGINNINGS FOR DIVINE APPOINTMENTS

I'm sure that almost everyone of us received that most ubiquitous of modern Christmas gifts; the GIFT CARD.  I only got one this year, and what a wonderful gift it was!  Little did I know that it would be more than a simple gift, but it would be used to fulfill a divine appointment.  I know people give gift cards because they THINK they are safer than cash, but actually they aren't, as proven by a recent apprehension of a porch pirate who had numerous gift cards in his wallet at his arrest.  Still, they are something more than just sticking cash in a card and mailing it off.
The day after Christmas I took my card down to our nearest home improvement store in the hopes of buying a tool.  Yep, that's what I do.  Nope, I couldn't find anything that appealed to me.  I walked around the store for at least an hour, but every time I reached for something I couldn't make myself buy it.  So, I decided to ask the fetching Mrs. Bragg if she wanted to go to Branson, Missouri to eat at my favorite burger joint, and shop at one of our favorite stores.  She said that would be great because she wanted to go to the big bookstore in town and look for a book she'd heard about on the radio.  (She didn't know that I'd already ordered it online.)   So, off we went.  Nothing spectacularly eventful, no words from Holy Spirit saying; "GO TO BRANSON!  I have a divine appointment for you!"  We were just going to fill our bellies, and spend a few dollars. 
When we were about halfway there, one of Glenda's co-workers called and said that they'd just transported her husband to the hospital in Branson for a Cath on his heart.  Her co-worker also explained that her husband would be transferred to the hospital in Springfield the next day.  I WASN'T PRIVY TO THIS INFORMATION TILL LATER.  Glenda and I went to a couple of places to shop and had a great hamburger.  It was dark now, and being 64 years old, with aging vision, I don't like to travel the road from Branson to Harrison at night due to all the deer.  I can't see them quick enough to react.  Still, Glenda wanted to go to the bookstore, so I obliged even though I'd already bought her the book she was wanting.  She didn't know that, and I was disappointed that it wouldn't be a surprise.  After about ten minutes of searching, she found it.  At that point I told her I'd already bought it.  How was I to know a secular bookstore would have a truly inspiring commentary on the book of Genesis?  Then she turned to me and said she wanted to buy a bible for her co-worker to read while staying at the hospital.  (Sounded good to me.)  She found the perfect bible, went up front and found out it was half price.  YAY!!!!!   This was turning out to be an awesome night.  By this time I knew I was going to be going to the hospital to visit her co-worker.  I've only met her a couple of times, so being the introvert that I am, I am as nervous as a cat...well you know.  Anyway, we go up to the room and find her husband sitting up, but looking frightened.  I look over at the heart monitor and can tell he's in A-Fib.  I know what it looks like because I sometimes go into A-Fib and have since I was a young man.  They'd just told him before we'd come in the door that if he didn't come out of A-Fib that they were going to have to shock him.  (You know the paddle things where everyone yells 'clear!'   I don't care who you are, just the thought of someone juicing you with electricity makes your skin crawl. 
We visit and make niceties, and soon it's time to go.  Glenda asks the husband if she can pray for him.  He says yes and we're off to the races.  This is why I believe my fetching bride works in a hospital in the first place.  Not only does she care about people, but she is able to be Holy Spirit's vessel for touching people's lives when they need Him the most. 
After we pray, we quickly depart and head home.  As we are about to get back to town Glenda's friend texts her to let her know that after we left, her husband's A-Fib stopped and he was able to relax.  They wouldn't have to jolt him.  Which is exactly what Glenda prayed for. 
Often times we find God moving through us when we didn't even expect it.  Like Moses tending his father-in-law's sheep, we can meet God at times when we least expect Him.  A trip to the store, a restaurant, or even to another town can be an adventure of faith.  Sometimes we want God to speak to us audibly before we step out the door, but He's just glad we stepped out the door.  Humble, even common everyday occurrences can be the springboard for divine appointments.  The signs were there for me to read all day.  Everything pointed to something happening beyond myself including the inability to spend the money I'd received, the desire to travel to another town to eat, and most of all the desire to do what my wife wanted instead of what I wanted.  If Glenda hadn't wanted that book, we probably wouldn't have gone at all.  She'd worked all day, and really didn't feel like going.  She had no deep spiritual plan for the evening, but God did. 
This is how God takes care of us.  This is how He shows us we are more valuable than sparrows.  Yes, He cares for the sparrows, but he cares more for us.  He saw a scared woman and her husband in a hospital room contemplating a bleak future and spoke peace into the situation through people who din't even know He was going to use them for that.  HOW COOL IS THAT?    Like the song says; If his eye is on the sparrow, I KNOW his eye is on me. 

Peace On Earth

Merry Christmas
This is the first time in my memory that my wife and I have spent Christmas alone without any of the kids, or my mother and father to enjoy it with.  Being a bonafide introvert, I'm not affected by being alone, however I know my wife would be happy with a houseful of kids and grandkids.  To me it is another day.  There is a certain amount of sadness about not being able to see the grandkids open their presents, and to some degree I miss the sound of my kids voices in the house.  As I write this, my lovely bride is getting a well deserved rest.  We both still work, and she works at the hospital, so I don't mind letting her sleep away.  To kind of add to the absence of the Christmas spirit, we don't have snow on the ground, and it is unseasonably warm. 
Outside, the sky is just beginning to turn a soft deep blue, and I can hear dogs barking down the street.  There isn't the sound of one car anywhere within earshot of my home.  I don't have any sparrows in the yard, so everything is peaceful.  It is as God means it to be.  Peaceful. I know it isn't that way all over the world, which makes me feel sad. For just one day, I would love to know that there wasn't fighting, or killing going on anywhere on this planet.  Just one day where men had goodwill toward one another.  What a joy it would be to experience one day where everyone set aside their hatred, their greed, and their politics. 
In Luke 2 verse 14 when the angels proclaim the birth of Jesus, we are given the words that have been the core of the Christmas message "Peace on earth, and goodwill toward men."  Don't get me wrong, I know the angels were talking about us having peace with God.  The infant savior was the promise of a final and lasting way for man to be at peace with his maker.  Different translations give their proclamation different meanings, but the one I like most is "Peace toward men of good will." God's peace is extended toward those who have good will toward one another.  Sadly we seem to be further away from that peace than at any time I can remember.  I am not hopeful for a peaceful solution.  Even my little sparrows fight with one another for a morsel of food.  Maybe this comes with being an old man?   I don't know.  Maybe you get weary of knowing that your grandchildren will be caught up in some future conflict over something that some wicked man concocted in their imagination.  The greatest gift I could get this Christmas is the declaration that no one died today at the hand of someone else, or that all little children awoke to the glee of finding presents under a tree. 
So to anyone who may stumble upon this blog, may God's peace find you, and may you enjoy the calm before the storm of  bright paper, empty boxes, and dashed hopes.  Somewhere in that excitement there will be peace that all is well with you and your family.  Someday, all men will enjoy the peace of God. Then again, I am old, and I am just one man among billions.  I'll lay my head down some night and never awaken again to this angry world.  At least then, I will sleep in peace. 

WILL THERE BE SPARROWS IN HEAVEN

As a handyman, I often get into theological discussions with my customers in large part due to the fact that I'm very open about my faith.  Some customers are of like faith as me, and others well...let's just say they tolerate me.  This last week I had a whimsical discussion with a customer that I do a lot of work for.  We'll call him Jim.  Because we are both over sixty, we found ourselves quickly discussing what heaven was going to be like.  I was telling him about all the people in my life who've passed away and how I longed to see them again.  Jim smiled and told me that in the church he goes to, they have a couple of ladies who've declared that if their dogs won't be in heaven, they don't want to be there.  Jim suddenly got a serious look on his face as asked me if I thought dogs would be in heaven.
OKAY,  in my nearly 65 years on this earth, that is the first time someone has asked me if dogs would be in heaven.
I don't know.  I can conjecture about it, but I don't know.  Will our beloved pets be raised from the dead?  Will heaven have all new marvelous creatures for us to befriend?  These are questions I don't have answers for.  Will there be sparrows in heaven?  Personally, I don't think there will be, but I also know people for whom the thought of heaven without pets would cause them to break out in tears.
I actually think it speaks to the wonderful gift of love that God has placed within us.  His breath is in us, and it causes us to love just like He loves. We can express our love to something that can't communicate it back.  Then again, if the animals on this planet are an expression of God's creative spirit, wouldn't it make sense for them to be replicated in heaven?  What intrigues me is how much we get attached to animals who are unable to communicate with us, and what that says about our capacity to love.  It isn't trite or silly that a couple of sweet ladies would desire that their beloved pets join them in heaven. 
So, for now, as this Holiday season is fast coming upon us, I want to believe that everything the Father has created is redeemable and repeatable.  I want to believe that there will be beautiful creatures beyond my imagination, as well as familiar little sparrows. 
Will there be sparrows in heaven?  I hope so. 

CHRISTMAS, SPARROWS, AND FRENCH FRIES

It's not quite winter yet, but here in Northwest Arkansas, we've already had a fairly cold, and wet November.  The first week of December hasn't been much better.  The trees have dropped their leaves, the grass is dry, and yellow, and the sparrows aren't hanging around in my front yard.  It feels like winter, but it isn't.  It used to be a time of wonder, and mystery to me.  With the Nativity, the choirs, the lights on houses and downtown, all we need is a snow for the season to be special.  We haven't had a snow at Christmas time since 2012.  We've had snow in early December, mid-December,  and after Christmas, but somehow we've escaped a white Christmas.  The older you get the more you hope it doesn't happen.  As I sit at my computer writing this, it is a nice sunny day and 48 degrees.  I have the front door open and the sunshine is pouring in through the glass storm door, making my home office nice and toasty warm.  All is good, except...there aren't any sparrows.  My little buddies seem to have found better places to be.  Next year, I'm going to put up a bird bath in the front yard so I can watch them from my office doorway.  I'd put up a bird feeder, but the squirrels would hog it all.  I haven't seen a bird feeder yet that could keep out squirrels.  Still, I know God cares for the little sparrows, and as ironic as it may seem, we are part of His love and care. 
Yesterday, I went to Sonic for lunch, and watched as a bunch of sparrows fought over a bunch of spilled french fries, and a bun from a dropped hamburger.  It was quite comical as one particularly large sparrow tried to heft the bun.  I'm sure the bun weighed more than he did, but he was determined to make a getaway with it.  The more he worked at it, the more attention he drew from his companions.  Soon there were about five or six sparrows tearing chunks from the bun and flying off in victory.
Not far from the bun was one sparrow who'd discovered a french fry.  He grabbed it up in his beak and made off like a bandit. It is just like God to use us messy humans to provide food for a group of sparrows.  It made me wonder if the sparrows got together and decided to go to Sonic for a holiday feast, knowing full well that there would be 'droppings' for them to eat. 
I've said it before in this blog and I'll say it again, the knowledge that God cares for us more than He does the sparrows, makes this season special to me.  In that statement made by Christ, is a truth that should encourage every sparrow.  Jesus didn't say that God didn't care about sparrows, He said that he cares more about us. It is knowing that God loved...me, and everyone enough to give us His Son as a way to have eternal life, that makes Christmas a mystery.  Perhaps, the sparrows are smarter than we are.  I don't think sparrows wonder if we love them, or that we deliberately drop food for them.  They just enjoy the feast we provide.  If only our faith was that simple.  If only we could jealously guard the salvation given to us by our loving heavenly Father.  No questions, no worries, no moments of doubt. Somewhere within the angelic choir singing praise to God in the highest, is an angel who's duty it is to make sure that someone drops a bun, or spills some fries.  That angel will make sure that a Tyson feed truck hits a bump and drops scoops of chicken feed along the road.  What's good for the chicken is even better for the sparrow.  If He does this for Sparrows, think of what He does for us.  Somewhere, someplace will do an act of kindness and wonder why they did it.  Someone will be given a thought to give a blanket to the homeless shelter, or work in a soup kitchen, or even give coins in a Salvation Army kettle.  It may seem like only a french fry or a scrap to the one giving it, but to the one receiving, it is love.
I know my sparrows will be back.  I know they will have somehow made it through the winter with or without my help because they have a God who cares for them.

THINGS BREAK

I'm a fixer by trade.  I can't remember a time in my life when I haven't been fixing things.  From the time I was a youngster till now, I've only had two jobs where I didn't have to pick up a hand tool and repair something.  One of those two jobs was construction work, so even then I had to use tools.  Most of my life has revolved around a basic truth; things break.  How people react to something breaking speaks volumes about who they are, and their approach to life.
Because my trade is fixing broken things, I make a living off of other peoples...problems.  Auto mechanics do the same thing.  Actually if you think about it, doctors do the same thing.  Very little of medicine is preventative.  This amazing biological machine we call a body wears out and needs to be repaired once in a while.  Because...things break.
There was a time when if my car broke down, or an appliance stopped working, I would begin looking for some spiritual reason why the tragedy was happening to me. Then I figured out that things break. How I reacted to it was affecting my family.  Grow up time!!  Instead of flinging things across the room, shouting, and kicking things that were in my way, I learned to simply get out my tool bag and fix it.  Simple.  No blaming God, no blaming me, no blame period.  Things break.
Everything that is made by man has a point where it will break.  Metal can only be stressed so much before the molecular bonds begin to break down.  Plastics release their molecular bonds becoming either crystalline or liquid again.  Woods break down at the cellular level, giving way to one form of decay or another.  Things break.
Even our amazing universe is breaking.  Galaxies are speeding away from each other in great clusters to the point where someday we may not even be able to see their light.  Besides, whether science wants to admit it or not, we're told in the Bible that the heavens would be rolled up like a scroll.  It won't be needed.  Things break.
I said all of this because I happened upon a tree limb which had fallen during a thunderstorm the night before.  In the fork of the limb was a bird nest with only one egg still inside.  The rest of the eggs were laying shattered on the ground just outside of the nest. I felt sad as I looked at the hope of life spilled out on the dirt beneath the nest.  The limb broke, the eggs broke, things break.
I don't know what kind of bird laid the eggs, and I'm sure that the remaining egg would soon disappear as a meal for...something.  Still, it bothered me, because of my love for sparrows.  Do they know things break?  How do they handle grief?  Would they mourn?
Life is an amazing thing, and lately the discussion of when it begins has become a national issue.  I tend to be simplistic in my thinking.  Life begins at conception.  I've held this belief since I could first understand how babies came into this world.  Once I figured out that I was the product of a happy moment between two people, I looked at all human life as being special.  It was my own moment, influenced by scripture, and knowing how I felt about my own existence.
Why the argument has become about choice is beyond me.  The choice is simple, don't play around with reproduction unless you are willing to have life inside you.  That is the choice.  Yes, I'm aware of rape and incest.  These things happen, and they are terrible.  If you don't want what was created, then give the child up for adoption so that a couple somewhere who can't have a child, can. Instead of making it easier to abort, why don't we make it easier to adopt?  The hoops you have to jump through for adoption don't exist for couples who simply have sex and pop out a baby.  Every argument against easy adoption is as empty to me as the arguments for abortion. 

FAITH

I've been watching the commercial space program with keen interest as visionaries like Elon Musk, and Jeff Bezos shape the future of space flight.  Space flight is unlike any form of transportation mankind has embarked upon in our long rise from the dust. I don't know why it terrifies us more than any other means of getting from point A to point B, but it does.  I guess I don't fear space travel because I was born during the birth of the space age.  I was born in 1955 and have seen the explosive journey to space through eyes of childhood wonder, and a growing sense of awe.  Seeing rocket boosters fly to the upper reaches of the stratosphere and return to land on wisps of fire and smoke is something I used to dream of as I watched old 'B' Sci Fi movies as a child.  At 64 years of age, I wonder how much more progress I will get to see.  I would love to see humans land on Mars before I pass this vale. 
You see, I'm a devout Christian who isn't afraid of science.  A matter of fact I embrace science as a reflection of the beauty of the Creator.  I never missed a shuttle launch, and as a child I watched every rocket launch of the Gemini, and Apollo Programs.  Then we stopped.  It was stupid!  So many of the good technological things we enjoy today were developed because of the space programs.  We lost faith in ourselves, and our technical prowess.  I know what caused us to lose faith, and it wasn't to do with rockets blowing up or near disasters in space. 
I'm going to shamelessly put a plug in for a trilogy I've written about the future in space, and you can read it chapter by chapter on my blog RaderWriter.  At the same time I want to speak about faith.  I want to specifically talk about Space X and their awesome push toward their dream.  What they are doing requires not only immense technical skill, vast financial resources, but it requires a vast faith in the vision that drives them. 
I know many of the scientists, and engineers would disagree with me about the source of their faith, but it is a gift of God.  We are a species who do more than hope!  Hope is great, but it doesn't launch rockets.  Knowledge is great, but it doesn't vision rockets.  Skill is great, but it doesn't propel rockets.  Faith does all that and more.  My marriage of faith and science is unique to me.  I had to create it at the young age of 13 as I contemplated using Schroedinger's wave law equation to discover the mass of a Neutrino.  At 13 I didn't even know what the wave law equation was.  My Uncle Jerry, a graduate of MIT used it in his Doctorate Paper to propose finding oil deep within the earth.  I just figured it would be a good tool to use.  I wanted to go to New Mexico State University on a weekend science symposium.  To go, you had to write a science paper and my paper was on Neutrinos.  I studied them till I was blue in the face, wrote my paper suggesting that we could place detectors in the Antarctic.  It was only eight pages long, and poorly typewritten.  When I got selected to go I was in shock.  To this day whenever I see the word Neutrino I have to stop and read the article.  Why am I saying all of this?
Because I believe that there is a huge disconnect between science and faith that doesn't need to exist.  It's the same disconnect I see happening as we become more angry at one another because of race, sex, or gender.  Religions separate us, cultures push us away from one another, and even issues of life separate us.  I believe in life, and I believe in each person's liberty.  These things shouldn't separate us, but they do.  I ache with sorrow because of the separation.  We can be so much more together than we are right now.  Sadly, I don't see it getting any better before it gets worse.  My world view is framed by a book called the Bible.  It is more than a history, more than a guidebook, it is a revelation of wonder. 
I've often wondered how the world is going to react when they discover microbes on our nearest neighbor Mars.  It would not surprise me.  Why?  Because I know our planet has been slammed by huge space rocks that sent much of our planet heaving into space.  I know they will find microbes just like those on earth, because they came from earth.  It is the same way I knew that a Neutrino had mass at 13 years old.  Some things are intuitive, and that too is a gift from God. 
I wish with all of my heart that I could visit Mars and look upon the soil of a distant neighbor. I also wish I had a physical image of a Neutrino instead of the indicators of its passing.  The same is true of my desire to see God face to face.  I long to see more than just the indicators of His passing.  I see His hand in the simple things just as surely as my Uncle could see oil as he measured sound waves passing through the earth. Finding microbial life on Mars doesn't shake my faith in God any more than finding microbes on our planet.  We're an arrogant species, filled with ourselves, and unable to even deal with one another let alone, God. 
I am optimistic, but realistic at the same time.  I want to see the day when we finally break the barriers that divide us as peoples.  I'm one of the privileged white males that seem to be at the center of every bad thing going on today.  In every generation, as mankind is ready to step beyond the limits of their frail existence and explore new possibilities we also demonstrate the need to blame others for our woeful shortsightedness.  I pray we'll live beyond this time in history where the fabric of our existence is being threatened.  As a Christian I know how this will end, but as a child of God I want a better ending.  There is a growing sorrow about what I see happening around me.  I'm old enough to let go of this life should I be threatened.  On the other hand, I have children, and grandchildren whom I wish to see live in peace and hope.  As long as the strident voices of anger and hate are given media attention this world is in peril.  This isn't a future I wish to see.  I want to  see Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos duke it out peacefully and develop the means to escape this world.  I hope to see the day when all of mankind realizes they are the DNA of God instead of the garbage of hate.  Our species must have peace with itself if we are to go beyond ourselves.  I know this thought violates the revelations of our Bible, but like Abraham I am begging God to hold back the judgement prophesied against us.  I am willing to grow old and die to see Him, while at the same time asking that no one experience His wrath for our wanton desire to kill each other. 
As I write this, I have my front door open and I'm watching the little sparrows combing through the dew laden grass for something to eat.  I don't know if they have wars, nor do I know if they have hope or faith.  Do they live angrily?  Do they do battle with each other?  Are we better being than they are?  Dear God in heaven, I don't know.  I hope we are.  Sadly, my passion for science is tempered by the knowledge that with every new scientific discovery, we discover a more terrifying way to destroy each other.  Science isn't the panacea for our worst inclinations.  Love is!!!   Still I hope for the joy of science while being realistic about what I've seen us do with it.  I hope we can move away from the precipice of prejudice, greed, and fear that envelopes us at this point in life.  Is my faith enough to say LOVE? Do sparrows love?  The Apostle Paul when describing the summation of his existence in Christ, wrote that three things abide.  That means they will go on beyond us.  Those three things are; Faith, hope, and love.  And, the greatest of these is love.

TRUST

Spring is in full bloom now.  My roses are beginning to be heavy with flowers, and most of the early bulbs and lilies are finished.  The trees are almost fully leafed out.  I have a tulip tree that still has blossoms all over it, and the sparrows are going crazy feasting on whatever feasts on the tulip tree blossoms.  We've had a wonderful mid-April through early May rain season as well as wonderful temperatures. Spring is already my favorite season of the year (my wife loves Fall more), but this year Spring has been a joy.  Every year I look forward to it, but sometimes winter hangs on too long and we end up with no fruit on the trees or the vines.  So, I am always grateful for this kind of Spring. 
Who am I grateful to?   God, of course!!  I trust He knows what we need, even if sometimes His plan doesn't quite fulfill my idea of what He should do.  As someone who grew up in the southwestern city of El Paso, Texas, I appreciate the full on green of Harrison, Arkansas.  Everything, everyone, and yes, even everyplace, has good things about them, and bad.  Growing up in El Paso, the daily paper kept a small little corner of the front page reserved for the "Sunshine Report".   The report simply kept a tabulation of how many days the sun shined over the city.  It didn't matter if the sun only came out for just a few minutes, it was still enough to add to the total.  I don't remember what year it was, but I do remember reading on one particular day that the sun had shone for 3,242 days.  I remember it because that day I went to school and wrote it on the chalkboard.  It impressed me that in just under ten years, the sun had shone that many days in a row.  During the day, my remark got the most remarks I'd ever got from anything I'd ever wrote. (My English teacher gave me a small corner in which to write my musings, and poetry.  Blame her for this blog.) The remarks went from "understated wow!", to "The sun is always shining, dummy!"   Reading those remarks left me a little hurt.  Was I truly the only one who thought it was amazing that this city had been blessed with a glimpse of the sun every day for over nine years?  It wasn't miraculous, nor was it even momentous, it was simply noteworthy. 
Since that time, I've lived in different parts of the country where the weather can hide the sun for as long as fourteen days in a row. (Talk about cabin fever.)  I remember a winter in Mtn Home, Idaho where thanks to the ash from Mt. St. Helens, we had a winter with so much snow that I had to cross country ski to work for a week.  Which even as bad as that was, is not as bad as I've heard about in different areas of the country.  One thing I've learned as I've grown up, is that even as dark or stormy as the weather may be, I have to trust that somewhere above the storm, the sun is shining.  So, my High School critic was really correct, just insensitive. 
I trust God, that this lovely blue marble is still spinning as it should, and that it is still orbiting the sun as it should.  I have to trust that even though I may not see it happening visibly with my eyes, I know it is happening.
The march of seasons is what allows this planet to support the mass of human beings living on its surface.  I know from what I've seen in the historical record, that there have been times on this planet where seasons weren't that pronounced.  There may come a day when through some amazing event, we may not see the sun, and this world will be thrown into chaos.  If that day were to come, I would still trust God's plan because I know Him.  I trust Him to continue to guide this amazing planet in its path through the solar system.  The only other alternative is to live in fear. 
As I watch the little sparrows going about their daily life, I wonder if they even have a clue as to how precarious the perch is that we all share on this amazing course through space?   Do they have an innate knowledge of God's provision?  Do they even care?  Do they trust?  These question often come to me while I watch their antics.  My heart tells me they don't, but then I wonder how I do? 
Lucky sparrows. 

TIME AND SPARROWS

I've often wondered if the little sparrows out in my yard are aware of time.  Do they mark their days by how long they have lived, or how many days they have left?   Do they mark their days at all?  Are we the only creatures on this planet who are aware of time?  We are obsessed with time, and it influences every aspect of our lives.  Almost midway through my sixth generation on this earth, I'm keenly aware of time. Both of my male grandparents died in their early sixties, and I've lived longer than both of them.  Do I have enough time left on this vale to do the things I dreamed of doing as a young man?  As I watch the sparrows flitting around in my front yard, I find myself wondering how old each one is.  I've learned to tell the difference between male and females by the coloration of their heads, but I don't have a clue as to how old a sparrow is.  I did some research and found out that sparrows have a life expectancy of three to five years in the wild.  I was shocked when I found that out.  Then again, I don't think they are concerned about it.  You never see bird sized Mylar balloons tied to a limb above the nest declaring the residents birthday.  Is time only important to us?

Why is time important to us? Everything we do on this earth is measured in time.  I love to ask pre-schoolers how old they are.  They usually respond with a corresponding number of fingers and then for some inexplicable reason they will add a fraction to their declaration.  "I'm three and a half!" With the half being important in a way that I don't understand.  I probably did when I was three and a half, but not now.  Time moves so quickly now at this point in my life, I quickly add the next year just a couple of months after my birthday.  So much of how we live on this planet is governed by time.  We are paid for a combination of our skills and time, with the true value being time.  Without fail, I've watched those who are paid a salary eventually do the math to discover what their time is worth.  Even doctors and lawyers measure their services in time.  At the end of our days, the march of time has been the measure of worth. 

As Christians we have a unique view of time.  We are keenly aware of the history that proceeded us, and we are hopeful of the eternity that will follow our departure from this vale.  We even have mental imagery of our eternal home framed from a few words in a book that very few seem to believe in any more.  Yet, at the end of our days I've watched Christians cling to this life as if it were the only existence they'll ever know.  It isn't an accident that the best medical treatments, and hospitals are in predominantly Christian nations.  Christians value life, and for some strange reason we are focused on making it last as long as possible. Whether the scientists, and doctors who practice medicine believe in God or not, the people they treat do. 

I had a good friend in the Lord present a graphic that has ministered to me time and again.  He used our video projector to show a small dot in the center of the screen.  He made the statement that he wanted that dot to represent a lifetime of 90 years.  If he zoomed in, the dot soon filled the screen.  At first you could see the pixels at the edge of the dot, and then nothing but a black screen.  Then as he zoomed out, the dot completely disappeared.  Zooming out is the same as viewing our lives through eternity.  Of the billions and billions of lives that have filled this earth, there are very few who have achieved immortality by being remembered throughout the eons of time.  Yet, for the Christian we believe in immortality even if we aren't remembered by those who follow us. This life should be measured by how we love in the few short days we have on this vale.  Our mistakes, successes, and our dreams have but a few moments to shine in this tent we live in.  I believe that in the long run, love is the only thing that conquers time.  It was God's love for us that brought us into existence, and it is His love that takes us into the future.  Time is not a captor, jailer, or measure of our value.   We look for the day when time is of no consequence to us and all the good we did will be revealed.  That is our hope.

I have no great feats that I've done upon this vale.  As far as I know, I've not saved one life through my actions.  I can count on the fingers of two hands the number of souls that I've personally led to a knowledge of Jesus Christ.  Sure I've preached and seen people come up and give their lives to serve Jesus, but there is a difference.  If I'm remembered at all after I'm gone, I want to be remembered as a teacher of men.  I want to someday be walking on whatever heavenly street I live on and have someone come up to me and say; 'because of you, I know Jesus.'  That will be worth it for me. 

You see, from the moment I was conceived, I was dying.  Time came to me, and when I leave, time will go on.  I have no desire to live forever upon this ragged earth.  This vale is too cruel, and of late, it appears to be more so.  I am weary of the killing, and cruelty I see.  I'm weary of the hatred toward one another just because of where you were born.  I am weary of the anger, and struggle between ideas that we all want to enforce upon another.  Despite my weariness, I'm happy to be alive.  I'm thrilled to still have a choice.  That is why I believe in Christianity, it is a choice.  You don't have to agree with me, because you don't have to believe.  It may insult you that I believe in a better place for those who believe in Jesus Christ, but in the end why does it offend you?  Is it because you're not sure eternity awaits you?  There's the rub!!!! 
No one can be sure.  Even the most devout atheist has to believe there isn't a God, and because it is a belief, it also means, you aren't sure.  You don't have empirical evidence.  Sad isn't it?  Time marches on, and in the end the lingering question is; "is there more to life than this?" Once I pass this vale, why would I care enough to come back and prove there is more?  Can I come back?  Christians have those answers, but they require faith.  It's almost laughable, if it wasn't so sad.  I don't believe this life is all there is, I can't even do a 'what if'.  When I lay this mortal tent aside, I will have lived well, and loved as well as I could.  I have done nothing worthy of eternal remembrance, but this earth isn't immortal.  It too will be rolled up like a scroll and our dying sun will destroy it in a fiery death throe.  Still the universe will go on.  My life will be just another small breath in billions breathed upon this doomed planet. Eternity will be a celebration of lives lived, yes even mine.  My dot in the frame of eternity will be happy.  I will go to my grave, happy, and wake happy. 

I don't know if there is an eternity for sparrows.  Now that I know they have short life spans, my heart breaks for them.  How old is the plump little guy who's working his way beneath my Clematis right now?   Will he be here next spring?   Will I?     

Time will tell.

THE AMAZING

With all of my years of writing this blog, I don't think I've ever disparaged my little sparrows.  They go about their short lifetimes flitting from place to place, chittering and chattering, without a clue that they are a source of entertainment for one little old man.  I never see their nests, but I know they have young.  I never know their names, but they seem to know one another.  They live out their lives without worry or fear of whether they will have enough to eat, or whether they have the latest...whatever is the latest in sparrow life.  Human beings seem to be the only creatures who concern themselves with the next moment in life.  No matter how many movies Hollywood tries to make showing animals talking or going about their lives, they are actually reflecting us.  We are amazing creatures! Apparently unique in our approach to life.  We are the only creatures that seem to demonstrate the amazing capacity for love.

The kind of love I'm talking about is not affection, devotion, lust, or loyalty.  These traits are commonly attributed to animals, and we see them at work every day in our pets.  My wife has a dog, I don't.  It's her dog, and I purposely let it imprint upon her.  We've given Bea  a home now for ten years, and she is a daily part of Glenda's life.  Bea brings Glenda joy, and a sense of purpose that disappeared when our children became adults and moved away from home.  Bea does funny things that I interpret through my human lens, but I do know one thing, she doesn't love Glenda the way that Glenda loves her.  Human love is amazing!

Love is THE amazing!  I'm often saddened when I see the word love misused in movies, and in music.  Love gets confused with lust, infatuation, interest, and host of other character traits in our modern society.  Even Christians who proclaim their belief in the embodiment of love in Christ miss the mark.  Our failure to understand love isn't because we don't have examples, it's because real love demands that WE die.  Real love stands above selfish concerns, and places the needs of another above ourselves.  Sadly, I know I haven't arrived there, yet.  No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I never seem to move in 'The Amazing' as I see others do.  I know why, it's because of fear.  The bible tells us that 'perfect love casts out fear', but I watch myself become a victim to fear every day, even when I don't want to. 

Today, I see fear mongering in every aspect of our lives.  Fear dominates our politics, businesses, and most of our relationships.  One thing that alerts me to when love is not the main factor in someone's life is when they say; "But what about me?"  The minute I hear that statement in its many variations, I cringe.  They've lost sight of the amazing!  The minute we begin to wonder if someone around us got more than we did, or received something we didn't, then we've embraced fear and abandoned the amazing.  When we're worried that the guy next to us got a raise and we didn't, we've abandoned the amazing.  Fear is the thief that robs us of the amazing. 

When we are young hormonal animals, we often confuse love with lust.  The amazing gets replaced with passion, and passion becomes the driving force.  As the premarital counselor for our faith fellowship, I know that passion and lust are the operating factors in the choice of a spouse. As I counsel these young people I try to warn them that the passion they feel now will diminish.  I warn them that they shouldn't make the ordinary normal function of reproduction the measuring stick for the amazing.

There never seems to be a consequence for throwing ourselves at one another until it produces the fruit of our lusts.  For, while we are creatures capable of amazing love, we are also capable of reproducing that love in the form of children.  Then we truly discover The Amazing, and many like myself, realize that we were not prepared for the amazing gift of life entrusted to us.  It is from that point on, when we hold the consequences of our passions, that we realize we are looking at the amazing. 

Not long ago, I had a DNA test given to me for a Christmas present.  I did the test, and have had my eyes opened to the power of the amazing.  I won't say how many, and I won't say how they are connected to me, but I've been contacted by a lot of people wanting to know why my DNA showed up in their list of matches.  Most of the time, it is people who were given up for adoption looking for their parents.  One question I ask is if the adopted person had good adoptive parents, and almost all of the time the answer is yes.  I think the bigger question these people are asking is; 'Why wasn't I amazing enough to keep?'  'Why would they abandon me like that?'  See what I mean by fear stealing love.  It didn't matter that they were loved by complete strangers who chose to make them a part of their lives.  It seems to only matter why they were rejected.  No matter how I try to help them find whatever parent they are missing, I know they are looking for 'The Amazing.'   They are looking for love! 

Because this blog is always about the peace of God, let me say clearly that true love brings peace. I've only ever been at peace when I've been embraced in love, or giving love.  That is the power of the amazing!  Without love there can't be peace, because there is no fear in love.  Fear never has peace, but thankfully love will truly conquer all.  We just have to let it. 

The Secret to Happiness

There is a secret to being happy.    It isn't free health care, free college, free lunches, free houses, or anything politicians try to tell you will make you happy.  The secret to happiness isn't in money, things, or even in great power.  The secret to happiness is being content.  Personally, I believe if more of us subscribed to contentment, it cold help improve the lives of people everywhere.  Happiness isn't found just in Christianity, although I believe it goes a long way to making a difference. 
Though I profess Christ, and live for my faith,  the happiness that comes from contentment isn't in Christ either. I've seen too many people live happily without a faith in Christ to make it a prerequisite for happiness. At the same time I've seen far too many Christians living lives devoid of contentment, and wracked with despair.  So, why am I writing about the secret to happiness in a blog dedicated to a profession in Jesus Christ?
The answer to that question is simple; I don't want to see my brothers and sisters in Christ looking for happiness in places that will not bring them any joy. 
If you use a clinical description of happiness, you will discover it is fleeting in it's duration, but so powerful in it's force, that it makes everyone of us seek to be happy for but just a moment.  Happiness is such a powerful emotion we look for ways to induce it.  Within this need for happiness is the root of almost all of our addictions.  Our bodies betray us because the 'high' from being happy is like nothing else we experience. The need to be happy whether through artificial means, or through natural means, can lead us into the depths of despair if we aren't careful.  That doesn't mean our need for happiness is completely destructive.  The 'arts' are born out of happiness.  Games, comedies, jokes, hobbies, and yes, even storytelling in its many varied forms are a means to happiness.  Sadly, the flood of hormones that accompanies true happiness is limited in its ability to be sustained for long periods of time. The greatest sorrow is when we live our lives in search of happiness instead of yielding to the joy found in every moment.  When jobs, marriages, homes, cars, and the accessories of life become the driving force for satisfaction we miss the moments within ourselves that bring true happiness.  This opens the door for disappointment, sorrow, and grief, which are far more easily sustained. Somehow, in the rush for a new 'happy' high, we leave the real source of happiness behind.  This is true whether we are rich or poor, Christian or non-Christian.  When contentment eludes us, happiness quickly flees. 
Over my lifetime I've seen great men and women of God become lost and empty vessels devoid of joy, peace or happiness.  Christians can easily be fooled into believing that a ministry, study, or even a cause will bring them happiness.  Ministries can push you beyond your purpose in Christ into fears of failure fueled by the minister's comparison of their life with those of more successful ministries. People who feel bible study, or the search for spiritual truth can bring  happiness often fail to discover that happiness, allowing the study itself to rob them of the joy found in living in the joy of the moment.  Probably the worst thief of happiness among Christians is the need to defend their faith or advance that faith into secular causes.  I've seen too many good Christians become enslaved to the angrier side of their passions to the point they hate the very people God has called us to reach.
Happiness is found in being content with forgiveness, and forgiving.  This is the simple power we all carry within us, but it is the springboard for more joy than you can contain.  So much of what I'm seeing in the news media today is driven by a failure to forgive, and let go.  Then again, I know we can become consumed by our passions to the point where happiness is driven far from us.  Political, cultural, religious, and ethnic diversity are important things when it comes to aligning ourselves in tribes. Belonging to a tribe can be a great source of joy and happiness, but if we allow them to exclude us from tolerance, and contentment,  they can suck the happiness out of our lives.  You hear a lot these days about 'diversity' but it seems the more diverse we attempt to be as a nation, the more unhappy we become.  Diversity robs us of happiness by building walls of 'difference,' and before you know it, you don't have the happiness that comes from tolerating people who are different from you.  "Intersectionality" is a word you hear a lot about lately because of the 'diversity' craze.  It's the moment when the goals of one 'diverse' group conflicts with the goals of another.  Someday, when the dust settles from this crazy need to be unique, we'll wonder how we allowed ourselves to be so overcome with the celebration of diversity. Instead of celebrating our humanity, we become obsessed with defending our uniqueness.  At one point or another 'diversity' will bring you into conflict with another diverse person.  This is why I said that many Christians aren't happy.  Tolerance, which is simply forgiving another person for being different from you, is rarely practiced among denominations.  It's the result of hundreds of years of conditioning, and is often based on tribalism, and in that alone, the fear of losing a unique identity. 
Contentment speaks of true faith.  I've seen it in the lives of those in foreign countries less prosperous than the United States.  I've seen happiness in children's laughter everywhere I've been.  That is why I can say that happiness isn't found in things, money, or power.  Happiness is found in any moment you choose to savor and enjoy.   I see it in my simple enjoyment of the sparrows that are carrying on outside my front door.  I don't know why it brings me so much joy to look out my storm door and watch the antics of these tiny little creatures who inhabit my front yard.  All I know is that they bring a smile to my face, which is usually a clue that I'm happy.  It won't last for long, I'll have to close the door because it's getting colder, and they'll have to carry on without my observing them, but they will carry on.  That brings another smile to my face. 

ALIVE

There are times I say things out of habit I wish I wouldn't say.  Most of my habitual speech is a product of over fifty years of being a Christian.  A good portion of that speech isn't found in the bible, but grew in Christian circles because it sounded good.  The other day I was talking to a friend of over 20 years when I suddenly realized how cliche I'd become.  Out of habit, he asked me how I was doing.  I have a small group of answers I use based upon who I'm talking to.  Some of them are cute, some of them are dull, and some of them are MEANT to be spiritual. 
"Praise God, I woke up alive and breathing, so I guess I'm doing good."  I replied. 
As soon as I said it I felt pricked in my heart.  Don't get me wrong, I've said something like this for a good portion of my life.  I remember hearing it for the first time as a teenager from an evangelist who said that anytime you wake up in the morning, you are blessed.  So, I've wrapped it up in my own special flavoring and done many different variations on that theme.  This time, I was stopped in my tracks.  There was so much wrong with what I'd said.  I stumbled around for a few seconds trying to figure out what I'd just done, and mostly to listen to Holy Spirit to tell me why He'd elbowed me in my spirit.  It only took a few more seconds, by which time I'm sure my friend was mystified by the look of confusion on my face.  My banter is usually fluid, easy, and quick.  Occasionally, I'll stumble around, but never over a greeting.  Suddenly I knew what I'd said glorified this life, and not the eternal life to which I place my hope. 
At 64 years of age, I am at the point in my life where my parents are nearing the end of their days.  Both of my wife's parents have passed on.  At one time, I had over thirteen aunts and uncles, now that list is down to four.  Three of my older cousins have passed this vale, and I don't know how long I have.  I'm not eager to die, nor do I believe this life is dreary enough to warrant departing by my own hand.  Yet, within me is the knowledge that I have a ticket to a better life, a different home, a brighter place, and a love greater than any I can ever know on this earth, and I've known love!
As Christians, I believe we can worship this life to the point that it becomes an idol.  We accumulate things that won't go in our coffins, we boast of our achievements that will be forgotten the moment we pass, and our money is more often spent on comfort than the needs of others.  These are the things that Christ warned us about.  We weren't supposed to make this place our home. 
A few years back someone I know lost their grandfather.  This simple man of God would go out every morning and walk about two miles out and then head back to his rural home.  This was his time of prayer.  It was when he chose to talk to Jesus.  One morning as he walked, and prayed, a vehicle struck him and he passed from life to life.  One moment he was talking with Jesus, and the next he was with Jesus.  While people were stunned by the suddenness of his death, and brokenhearted by their loss, he was celebrated for his life, and applauded into his glorious life. 
Another breath is simply more time to do the work I was purposed to do.  So, as my friend sat there wondering where I went in my brain, I remembered what my purpose was, and why my glib reply bugged me.
"I'm sorry for what I said."  I replied.  "I'm doing well, praise God, but someday, I'll be doing better."
I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for hanging on to this life.  It is our nature to survive, and for our bodies to cling to life.  I begrudge no one the battle to live another day.  On the other hand, moving on isn't the end.  That is where the peace of God is. 
Sadly this morning, my lawn is quiet.  The chatter of sparrows hasn't started because the sun hasn't even turned the horizon a dark blue yet.  It won't rise for another hour and I am about to go to church.  I'll worship God for the life he's given me, and the eternal life I have through His Son, Jesus.  If I pass this vale today, then I'll wait for all of you who are my friends.  Well, maybe I won't wait.  I'll just see you there.   

Light In The Darkness

Our Pastor, Eric Goff, preached a wonderful sermon the other day on light.  Yep, you heard me right, light.  It struck a chord with me because of my love of science, and my faith. 
Light is a recurring theme in Christianity.  Jesus spoke of it often, as did many of the different writers of the New Testament.  In spiritual terms, light is an analogy for God.  Yet, as anyone knows, light as we know it, was spoken into existence by God.  He preceded light.  Our existence is the direct result of life speaking into light which then illuminated the darkness.  Darkness will never overcome light.  It is impossible.  Even the most super massive black hole is identified by visible and invisible light streaming to and out of it.  Even if there was only one star in this universe, the light of that one star would shine brightly for all the universe to see.  It isn't a war, and it isn't even a battle, darkness will never overcome the light.  It may surround, oppress, and even suppress the light, but light will win.
While many Christians tend to look at light and dark in terms of a battle between good and evil, that isn't what God intended.  This mistaken analogy is what drives people away from the truth of God's love and His plan for our lives.  Darkness isn't some vast wasteland populated with the zombies of sin, anymore than the light is a bunch of hymn singing automatons repeating endless spiritual platitudes.  Darkness is fear, and light is love.  That is why the scripture says in 1 John 4:18 that there is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out all fear..... This scripture in and by itself is what every Christian should live by.  When we choose to live by fear, we walk away from love.  The symptoms of fear are hate, envy, murder, and theft.  I can distill all fear down to one sin, thievery. 
The symptoms of love are life, peace, joy, tenderness, compassion, and most importantly, love.  The power of love to light up the darkness is the power of the gospel.  As Christians it is easy to forget this power exists in us as we see fear pressing in on us from all sides.  Nothing made that more clear to me than what happened this last week with the Covington Catholic students at the Nation's capital. In less than a couple of months this crisis will be a vague memory as are all of the contrived political battle created by both side of the political divide.  If you shine the light of love into the situation, there is no story.  Yet, for many Christians this became one more example of the hatred of the left for people of faith.  FEAR on the part of Christians.  Can't we release our politics for just a few moments to state the obvious.  A group of teenage boys went to the Capital to express their support for the lives of the unborn.  It is part of their religious belief system.  Being from Kentucky, I doubt seriously any of these teens knew about the perils of addressing adult concepts in the face of those who have different views.  In defense of them, I believe they handled the situation much better than I would have.  So what was the fear? 
Could a bunch of Catholic teens in any way threaten the group of black protesters taunting them?  How is a pasted on smile a smirk?  How could love change the situation from one of fear into one of love? 
Can anyone speak to the wisdom of a young teen boy standing stock still in the face of angry voices all around him?  Will anyone admit that this young teen and his friends behaved admirably in a potentially volatile situation?  I doubt it.  Yet I want to scream at the top of my lungs, 'Well done!" 
I don't think I've read too many articles that haven't mentioned the 'Red MAGA' hat.  It was as if it was the trigger for everything that happened.  How dare a young teen boy from a conservative Catholic school in Kentucky wear a MAGA hat to our Capital.  Will anyone admit that even the word 'trigger' is an acknowledgment that fear is at work.  Fear needs triggers.  Fear is a trigger.  We can choose to ignore the triggers or we can magnify them.
Yesterday, I went to visit my aunt in Oklahoma.  She is in ill health, and at 80 years old, I know that her time on this earth is limited.  She is a liberal, and I am conservative.  Over the years we've had many fiery debates, but at the end of each one is a knowledge that crushes the fear caused by political differences.  I love her with all of my heart, and she loves me just the same.  The love we feel for one another doesn't remove our ideologies but it does soften the edges where we bump against one another.  All through the day yesterday it would have been easy to bring up the issues that divide us, but we both laid aside our political passions to celebrate our love for one another.  It is obvious from the passage of time that I will never make her a conservative, and she will never make me a liberal.  Yet, we both mourned the climate of hate promoted by both sides respectively, and said as much. 
Fear can't defeat love. 
It would be easy to become fearful as I watch the tide of public sentiment turning against those who practice their faith.  I'm not afraid of public opinion more than I am of God's opinion.  I have to admit, that as a Christian, I am heartbroken by the insinuation of racism, phobias, and accusations of hate thrown at me simply because I choose to believe in Jesus Christ.  I was a Christian at 10 years of age, and I do not have the power to change the foundations of my belief.  I didn't write the book I believe in.  The Word of God existed before me, it exists outside of my existence, and it will exist even if every Bible is burned in a huge bonfire. If someday, I am persecuted, tried, and jailed for believing in Jesus Christ, I will gladly continue to live by faith.  I will also choose to live by love.  I will choose to live out the light and shine it into the fear around me. 
Maybe, just maybe something will happen that will unite our great nation once again.  Sadly, I know enough to know that unity almost always comes at great cost. 
Sadly, I can't even look to my little sparrows for hope concerning the unending struggle between light and dark.  My little sparrow friends are out in the front yard pecking at the grass.  I don't know what they are eating amidst the dead blades of grass on this winter's day, but every once in a while, one bully sparrow will push another one away.  Then as if to accentuate the struggle, our resident cardinal suddenly scatters every bird in the yard.  With a great flurry he takes whatever he swooped in for away to a tree branch.   I assure you, the cardinal has a predator that scares him. 
I hope and pray for the day when people no longer live in fear.  I look for the day when we choose to live in peace with each other.  I know how that day will come, but some people fear it. 

NEW YEAR, NEW THOUGHTS

The holidays are over and I'm wondering what the new year is going to bring.  I've never been big on new year resolutions because they infer knowing that we have more than today.  None of us know how long we have left in this life.  I'm not morbid, or fatalistic, but there are some things that are simply the truth.  I don't care who you are, how rich, powerful, strong, or healthy you are, you have no promise of tomorrow.  So, New Years resolutions are a waste of energy. 
What is the promise of New Years day?  Why is it different than any other day?  I think we make a big deal about it because we as human beings like to believe there is hope for something better.  I used to view my days on this earth in terms of how old I am, and how many days I think I have left.  With this new year has come new thoughts.
All I have is the next heartbeat, the next breath, the next thought.  Everything I've framed my life in since I can remember has been focused on 'time.'  Even my relationship with Jesus Christ is focused on time.  Who I am is determined by time.  To wax biblical, my days on this earth are marked by my white hair, and the wrinkles upon my face, but they don't define who I am inside.  Still if someone were to see me, they would say I was 'old.'  For a vertically challenged person like me, looking old was all I wanted to do.  There was a day when it didn't matter how old I was, I was often viewed as being younger than 18.  So, being old isn't something I'm worried about.  Being at peace with God, myself, and others is.
Through faith in Christ, being at peace with God came a long time ago.  Through that faith in Christ I have been able to live at peace with almost everyone around me.  However, being at peace with myself is something that is a recent development.  Even within that peace, I've been going through a major conflict in my life that has challenged me in every aspect of my life, even in my faith.  I've alluded to it over the last few posts, but it seems to have come to a place where I don't think it will turn out the way I'd hoped.  Time moves on, putting it's stamp upon every millisecond, minute, hour without seeing the resolution I'd hoped for.  I wanted nothing but good in this situation, but it hasn't happened.  For a long time I was walking around gritting my teeth, feeling helpless, and wishing for love to rule the day.  Now I know I can only hope for this minute, this instant, this moment.  I can't change others around me.  I can only change me. 
The first time I mentioned this in my blog I said it would be something I would look back on with an assurance that God has been with me throughout the whole thing. Even then I knew I would be at peace with the situation, but I wanted to be honest with my feelings as I went 'through' it. 
It is time to reveal what I felt:  First and foremost is a sense of deep disappointment with people I thought I knew as well as I know myself.  I didn't feel betrayed, just disappointed.  It's hard to judge someone when they disappoint you, because I know I've disappointed so many people in my life.  I can't even be angry, just disappointed. Almost 60 years ago, someone I love made a fateful decision that has changed my life today.  Nothing can alter the consequences of that decision, but I am determined to live every moment celebrating the love those consequences has brought into my life. 
The other day I was discussing this with someone who is on the other side of the consequences, and they said something very profound that I'm going to hold onto for the rest of my moments.  "Fear destroys Peace."  I refuse to let fear, or disappointment control my life.  Love is the best thing I can do, and I am determined to let love rule my life. Why?  Because I don't have enough time to do anything else, I only have the next moment.