I never thought I'd come back to this blog after my last post.  The past three years have been extremely trying in ways that are hard to express without making it seem as if I'm feeling sorry for myself. The entire purpose of this blog was to highlight the peace that is to be found in the presence of God.  As I wrote my last blog, that peace had become harder to hold onto.  Not that it wasn't there, but it was harder for me to hold on to.  

Since my last blog post, my Dad died shortly before his 88th birthday, and right after my fetching wife Glenda was diagnosed with Glioblastoma multiforma.  Glioblastoma has no cure, and very limited treatment.  The prognosis is never good, and measured in months, not years.  So, lest I melt into a puddle of misery, and the aforementioned self pity, let me say it has been a strange time of growth.  

This blog came about because of something my wife said the other day as we were driving to Branson, Missouri. As we were leaving our driveway she pointed to the telephone wire loaded with sparrows.  "They're waiting for someone to say it's time to leave, but the line is busy."   Yep, that's how her mind works as of late.

I don't know how much longer she has.  That's a tough statement to make, but in this modern age when we can stave off death with the miracles of medicine and machines, I've forgotten the better statement.  I know how long she has had. That is the real measure.  Years aren't worth anything if they aren't filled with joy.  This was brought home to me yesterday morning as our Pastor was teaching on Matthew chapter 10.  When he read verses 28 - 31, my mind went immediately to Glenda's observation of the sparrows on the telephone line. In those verses, Jesus talks about the sparrows being sold 2 for a copper coin, and then if one of them falls the Father knows it, and never forgets.  My study bible does a cross reference to Luke 12:6 where Jesus says that five sparrows are sold for two copper coins. When Jesus says that the Father doesn't forget a single one of them, we are reminded of what he just said about the four.  It is easy to think that the fifth sparrow didn't cost anything.  

Sometimes we feel like the fifth sparrow.  We get lost in the deal, and we're seemingly worthless.  I think that is what happens when we don't value the life we've lived.  I've personally never been to a funeral where they talked about the life the person could have had, but rather they celebrate the life they lived.  So, I'm celebrating my wife while she still lives, serving her to the best of my ability, and filling her days with as much joy as she can muster the strength for.  God set this time up for me to be able to be home all the time thanks to my parents leaving me a nice inheritance.  He also gave me the opportunity to learn how to take care of someone through what my parents went through.  I'm not the noble loving son, or even a noble loving husband.  What I do now can't even make up for the many years of being self-centered, and oblivious to the needs of my loved ones.  So please don't ascribe anything to me I'm not.  I simply love my wife, have always loved her, and will love her to the end.  

If you are a young person reading this, please learn from this old man.  The person you chose to walk this life with is the greatest joy you'll ever know.  Work is empty and useless when you are used up.  Friends are wonderful, but they have lives of their own.  Your children can be there for you, and help you walk through the last stages of your life, but only that one you chose to love can give you true joy.  

So what about the presence of God in all of this?  I've discovered Him more in these last few years than I ever had.  Everything that comes with death is only possible if we've lived. I'll let you know how it all ends once I know.