My Wistful Dreams

The quiet hours of the morning are my favorite time to read the Bible and pray. I especially enjoy opening the window to my office in the church and allowing the cool morning air in while I read our daily reading. Outside my window this morning, there are a host of sparrows who dance and twitter across the metal splash guard below the window sill. I wish I knew what they were saying as they take wing and head out after another insect meal.

There was a time when I didn't concern myself with such things, that was until the day I came face to face with my mortality. (A story for another blog.) Now, I don't pack my days from one to the other with meaningless things that don't satisfy. I will be happier, when I can slow down and devote two or three days to mentoring younger men, chatting with brothers in the Lord over a cup of coffee every morning, and spending lazy afternoons with my wife talking about our kids and grandkids.

Don't get me wrong, I like to work. A matter of fact, the day I can't work will be a terrible day for me. I enjoy the gift of work. I love the feel of power tools, hand tools, and the thrill of a project as it takes shape by the work of my hands. I'd enjoy it more, if it weren't so compulsory. My father put me to work at his place of business when I was thirteen. From the time I was twelve, I took care of sixteen horses. My father is the kind of man who works from the moment he gets up till he goes to bed. He doesn't know anything else. Thankfully his need to keep moving and doing things was not genetic. I look for the day when I can awaken anytime I want and spend more time before the Lord. I'm not asking to retire, just slow down.

My wistful dreams go to things that have been in my heart as long as I can remember. I long to spend unconcerned hours discussing the Kingdom with my Pastor. I long to share the things of God to those who are hungry to know him and want to explore the mysteries of God together. I wish to expose the love of Christ to those who don't know him. My spirit has desired to walk foreign shores and bring the Kingdom of God on earth. I long to see the lame walk again, the blind see again, and the deaf hear once more. These things thrill me more than anything I've done in my life, and I've done a lot of things.

In my lifetime, I've stood on the shores of both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans, looked out into the Great Lakes, stood on the banks of the Mississippi river, stood on ancient dried up lake beds, walked prehistoric Native American pueblos and sat on the meeting stones in their Kivas. I've seen things and worked on things I can't talk about. I've talked for hours with Saudi men and women, while dangling my bare feet in the Persian Gulf. I've walked through Frankfurt, Germany, and stood in places I wasn't permitted to put a name to. None of this, absolutely none of it compares to the joy of watching a child hear for the first time as Jesus opened their ears. Nothing I've ever done has ever brought me more joy than watching a little boy or girl give their heart and life to the Lord for the very first time. I've seen so many addicted and bound young people get saved, that they had to have two forty gallon trash cans to haul away the drugs and alcohol given up by them. I've seen cancer fall off someone more than once. I've thrilled to the enthusiasm as a blind girl saw her own face for the first time. These are the things I want to see more and more as my days on this vale grow shorter and shorter. You see, I'm not one of those people who have a death wish or are miserably unhappy in this life. Actually, I would like to live another 40 years to see the goodness of the Kingdom of God explode on this earth. I would like to be there when my great grandchildren see the power of God split the sky and reveal the Christ.

As I write this, I watch with amusement while a sparrow pecks at an unfortunate bug just below the window sill. I want to be like the little sparrow that King David wrote about. I want to flit in and out of the tabernacle of God without fear, safe in secure in the knowledge that God has my every need taken care of. I live for this day, and like Job, I know I shall see it in the land of the living.