WHAT IF...YOU'RE WRONG

This will be one of a handful of Sparrow's Perch blogs that isn't born out of an experience with my little feathered friends, or my observation of them. For my brothers in Christ, this will be a head slapper, maybe even a head scratcher.  It came about as I was talking to a stranger I met while walking the other day. I was sitting down on one of the benches along the creek enjoying the nice cool morning air when a man sat down next to me and asked how I was doing.  I'd seen this individual many times before walking early in the morning and he was always cordial when I offered up salutations.  (Some people appear uncomfortable when you greet them with 'good morning,' or 'how are you doing.')  I understand being reticent about replying to a stranger asking how you are doing.  What business of it is theirs to query my well being?  I on the other hand enjoy it when someone greets me regardless of how the greeting is being offered.  My time in the Air Force made me very comfortable with saluting officers, and offering the universal 'good morning, Sir...or Ma'am as the case may be. Holding doors for strangers, addressing elders with proper respect, and assisting people if they are overwhelmed with kids or packaged items.  I call it the Edwardian ethic.  (Sorry, back to my story.)   

He remarked about seeing me often, and I replied the same.  He appeared to be in his late forties or early fifties to me, which is a great time in life. I simply asked "How are you doing?" out of courtesy.  To say the least I wasn't ready for what happened next. "I'm doing good, but I could be better."  he replied.  Now I've heard that response and have used it myself so without thinking I asked him how it could be better.  He was having 'kid' problems, and was frustrated by not having an answer.  He was a Christian man like me, and like most Christian men, he wanted his children to be as faith filled as him. His oldest daughter was going to school at a big university out of state, and had come home spewing disdain for the way her father had raised her as a Christian. It was heartbreaking to him as she began to tear into the fabric of his faith, and blame him for holding her back from her full potential.  She'd come for 'Father's day' out of obligation, and he wished she'd just stayed at school.  He tried desperately to counter her arguments, but for every reply he made she had a 'learned' response.  Finally, she ended her visit with the zinger question I've been asked a hundred times by atheists and agnostics alike over my lifetime.  "What if you're wrong?"  " What if there isn't a God, and we just die?"

Actually I wish I'd have been there because that is the easiest question for me to answer.  As someone who'd grown up in the early stages of the space race, and seen aircraft go from dope and fabric to steel and aluminum, I was in awe of science.  I had a 7th grade science teacher who was openly atheist and loved challenging all the Christians in his class to prove God.  At that time in my young life, I didn't have a clue, but I knew one thing he didn't.  During the summer between 6th and 7th grade I went to church camp and got filled with Holy Spirit.  Suddenly, the doubts were gone.  There is a God, and no amount of argument could change what I'd experienced.  I never challenged him and never had to. (In his desire to prove mind over matter, he put his hand in a terrarium with a tarantula in it. He was allergic to its bite and had to be taken to the hospital that night.) When he came back a month later still swollen, he was a lot more humble.  HOWEVER, that doesn't mean I didn't think of a snappy come back to him, I just didn't unleash on him. That reply has been used countless times throughout my life as I've encountered smarter men than me asking me the same question.  "What if you're wrong?  What if there isn't a God?"  What if there's nothing when you die? 

"I won't know, I won't care, I'll be dead."  When I first started using this reply, it usually took people a few days to digest what I said.  For those who were quicker on the uptake, (maybe a handful,) the next question is usually.  "Well doesn't that make most of your life meaningless? You've spent all this time trying to please a God who doesn't exist.  Look at all you've missed."  

"What have I missed?"  I'll ask.  "What debauchery have I avoided, what hedonistic practice have I been denied because of my faith?"  I've never understood an atheists need to destroy another person's faith, let alone point out how much of life Christians miss out on because of their faith. What have I missed?  I truly believe that if more of us Christians would be content in our lives, the issue of missing anything would be moot.  Because I know Christians are going to be the only ones reading this blog, the question of 'what if' is nothing for us.  We resolved it the day we gave ourselves to the Lord Jesus Christ.  If you can be talked out of your faith in Christ, then your hope is gone.  

 Because we are Christians, we've found a life of love and goodness that makes our lives meaningful, and also helps us to be grateful to the one who gives us all we need. Yes, I feel great sorrow for those who've once known the goodness of God, to allow the enemy to steal their faith.  So, here's my answer back to the daughter who felt the need to crush her daddy's heart on Father's Day; "What if you're wrong?" 

CHOICES

I ran over a sparrow this morning.  

In my seventy years upon this earth I think I've killed less than a handful of sparrows, and almost all of them here in the Ozarks. I was driving from my house to the community center to do my morning walk. The sun wasn't out yet, and the air was heavy with a very light fog. Now, before I go any further, let me tell you that I'm always amazed at the agility of squirrels, and sparrows as they share their world with us humans. I don't know what makes birds stay in the street until you're right up on them, but usually they escape the front end of my car.  Not today.  I fully expected the little sparrow to flutter away as I got near, but was greeted with the tiny tell-tale bump beneath my floorboard that told me he'd got trapped under my car.  As I looked in my rear-view mirror I could see the hapless sparrow fluttering in a circle for a second or two then nothing. I hate it when that happens.  For whatever reason he made a bad choice.  

Like that little sparrow, some choices are life and death.  Most of us can see life and death choices before we make them. Experience, and close calls teach us that certain things are to be avoided in order to escape a life-or death scenario. One thing I've seen in my lifetime is that some people are thrill seekers and actually enjoy walking up to certain death and poking their finger in death's eye. When I was a teenager, I often did 'stupid' things that I would never do now.  Most of those things were done on a motorcycle, or vehicle of some kind of another.  I walked around with a false sense of invulnerability, fed by a great deal of divine protection.  I don't know if that poor sparrow I hit this morning was a daredevil sparrow or not, but, well, he didn't live long enough to regret his decision.  

Some people won't make decisions at all, they walk around in a perpetual state of fear that they will make a bad decision.  Everything they do is anguished over, and measured against the opinions of at least a hundred people, and then mulled over some more.  Even when they do make a choice, they live in fear and trepidation that their choice wasn't the right choice. Before they know it, the decision they couldn't make is made for them by the circumstances of life.  In other words, life happens to them, and of course they can blame it all on everyone else, or God. I guess in their minds it's better to blame others and God instead of making a choice and living with the consequences of that choice.  One thing I've noticed about these people is that they usually have a defeatist attitude about life.  "Well I guess God didn't want me to have that...'whatever."  or "I wish I knew what God wanted."  or  "I just didn't have enough information to decide." or "I would have done something else, but brother or sister 'So in So' advised me not to do anything."  These people are usually obsessed with the 'will of God' or being in His purposes. If they aren't doing something spiritually 'big' then they must have missed God somewhere.  It's as if God isn't able to overcome their abilities. Buyers remorse is their constant bedfellow, and if you allow them, they will fill your day up with sad tales of a life that could have been.  

Our choices don't limit God. I'm sure that His plans have your mistakes, and even your successes are accounted for. I don't want to make it sound like I have it together in this area of life. I used to be one of the worst about putting out fleeces before God. I have a very logical, scientific mind that measures, and evaluates everything. I'm one of those people who have to know how or why something happens. When my wife Glenda was diagnosed with Glioblastoma, (primary brain cancer) I spent the first two months looking for what causes it. You can imagine my consternation when I couldn't find a cause for it. Something clicked, and the cancer went crazy. They still don't know what triggers it. This process consumed my every waking thought. I needed to know how she got this thing that was killing her. When she got done with the initial treatments, I spent the remaining six months of her life just trying to keep her alive a little bit longer. Again, I researched everything, read everything, watched everything I could just to find something to help her live longer, instead of just being with her. To put it bluntly, other than loving her with all of my heart, I didn't make the end of her days good. I was convinced that the latest novel treatment she was on would extend her life. It didn't. Instead, she spent the last four months of her life uncomfortable, irritable, and growing increasingly weaker by the moment.  Actually, I thank God for my Sister-in-law who told me a truth I needed to hear. She told me that I was so obsessed with trying to keep her alive, that I wasn't helping her live. Boy, was she right!  In the end it wasn't the brain tumor that killed her, but a massive heart attack.  At first, I spent about six months punishing myself for the decision to put her on the experimental treatment. Then, one day as I was beating myself up for the choices I'd made, I found out that someone who'd been in our life earlier was diagnosed with the same cancer.  As I was talking to one of her relatives, they asked me about the treatment Glenda had undergone. I told them that would have to be her choice, but no matter what, go, and do whatever she wanted to do. Do a bucket list and get as much of it done as her finances, and health would allow.  That isn't a choice to die, it is a choice to live, to really live.  Most of our choices aren't always life, and death like the little sparrow. Who we marry, where we live, our jobs, our cars, our homes, whether to have kids, whether to turn left, or turn right are choices we, and millions of others make everyday. A decision to turn left or turn right nearly got me killed in 2009. At the moment it didn't seem like a big decision, but two miles later a car pulled out in front of my motorcycle and hit me.  It was just a decision to go left or right. That decision changed the trajectory, and course of my life more than any 'big' decision I ever made or will probably ever make again. Let me share another personal example from my teenage years. It was at a time when my Dad was being the biggest jerk he could be to my Mom. During her darkest hours, she would often wonder out loud to me whether she should have married him in the first place.  She told me that when she was a teenager, a very religious boy at her church was interested in her while she was dating my Dad. Now, many years later here she was doubting her decision to marry my dad, and even regretting it. The remorse, and regret in her admission threw me for a curve. Of course, there I was, the product of her and dad looking her in the eye. Without my Dad, I wouldn't be here writing this right now. That's when I realized that our twenty-twenty view of our decisions is what can make us miserable or happy.  In the process we forget that God knows our beginning from the end, and knows the decisions we've made and the ones we're going to make. Sometimes, like the little sparrow I hit this morning, we don't have a great deal of time to make an informed choice.  If we do have time, then seek God first. Ask God to speak to your heart, and trust that you are hearing His voice. Do what Holy Spirit places on your heart to do, and then rest in that decision.  For everything else, just live, be thankful you are alive to make choices, and that our God is able to make our choices, whether good or bad, into a beautiful tapestry.

Finally, if you want to reduce your anxiety about your choices, just remember that our choices on this earth rarely affect more than fifty to a hundred people at the moment. It is the height of arrogance, and even to some degree narcissism, to elevate our choice as to what restaurant to go to, to the same level as to who we should marry, or what house to buy.  Even those decisions don't have a major impact on the course of life outside of your sphere of influence.  In the end, you'll be put back in the dirt, and all those choices will be meaningless.  At least that is what King Solomon said in Ecclesiastes.  Sometimes, I think we think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. Our choices are just that, OUR choices.     

  

WARMTH

It's been a wonderful few days here in Harrison, Arkansas, but this morning was just about as perfect as it gets for walking a couple of miles around the creek.  The morning air was moist and just a little cold around the edge of the creek, and the sun hadn't come out fully yet.  

There are a couple of old picnic tables along the walkway close to our new community center.  One of the tables sits in a grassy bend in the creek where the trees have been cut down.  It's one of the first places to get sunshine in the morning, and as I walked I could see a couple of sparrows cuddling together on the table top basking in the morning sun. I approached slowly and tried to get my phone out so I could take a picture. As you can guess, no sooner had I brought the phone up to my face than both of them took flight.  Kind of broke my heart because it would have been an awesome picture. 

It was obvious that the two sparrows were cuddling in order to get warm.  Just thinking about the two sparrows made me feel warm.  Later after I got back to the house, I began to think about how the need to be warm has shaped human behavior from the dawn of time. I couldn't help but wonder how much of our history is born out of the need to be warm. However, I also don't think warmth comes from being close to someone physically. Look at what happens to most people when they see a new parent holding a newborn baby. "Doesn't that just warm your heart?" someone will say.  They'll refer to the parent as being tender, and warm.  It's funny how acts of tenderness, and kindness 'warm our hearts'. If we see pictures of puppies, kittens, anything new, or young we feel 'warm' inside. If you post a video of a puppy or kitten doing something cute, that video will go viral before you know it.  Humans love this kind of stuff. I don't know if it heralds back to our ancient past when we had to huddle around each other to keep warm, or if it is a simple extension of our appreciation of innocence.  I know for myself, there are things that move me to tears of happiness more easily than other things.  The older I've become, the more sappy I've become.  Certain songs can utterly transport me to a happy and warm place in just a couple of measures.  I love to watch people dance the tango, or large groups of people dance the Syrtaki (Think Zorba the Greek). I love to watch team sports where the team is functioning as one. All of these things elicit joy, and wonder, and warmth.  

Like the two sparrows, I also think we need one another to keep warm. The whole courting process for us as human beings is a dance of love like the tango. No matter how much we try to dismiss our need for human touch (warmth) it is what bonds us together.  Love is often portrayed as a warm feeling...well...because it is.  They've proven that when a child is deprived of physical contact, they will not survive.  I know for myself as a widower, the one thing I long for more than anything else is the tender touch of my departed wife. I'm not talking about just sexual stuff, I'm talking about the joy of putting my arm around her when we'd go out to see a movie or when we'd be at home on the sofa. I miss her reaching out for my hand when she could sense I was stressed out and needed the warmth of her delicate fingers. Ask any person who has lost a loved one what they miss the most, and I promise you that it will be the simple ability to touch them or be touched by them. The warmth of physical touch somehow speaks of the depth of love in our hearts. Infidelity is heartbreaking simply because one spouse has found warmth and tenderness in another person's embrace. 

Lately, as I go to different places to eat, or visit, I often notice older couples who are still intimate, and have a natural ease with one another. This makes me feel warm inside because I am happy to see a couple who hasn't let the struggles of this life drive a wedge between them.  I have no idea what they've gone through, or if each day was filled with love and tenderness. I know I've been surprised to learn of couples I deeply admire that nearly split the sheet, but somehow managed to stay together through their struggle.  I would like to think that somehow Glenda and I would have been one of those sappy old couples gazing into each others eyes across a table in a crowded restaurant.  I'd like to hope we'd have enjoyed the warmth of one another if she'd have lived longer.  

Finally, I'd like to point to our God. In Genesis we're told that God walked with Adam in the cool of the day. God needs the warmth of love just as much as we do.  Companionship is formed into our DNA, which is His DNA.  Relationship is His invention, and it is His heart in us that makes us desire the warmth of relationship. Without relationships, we would die of loneliness.  

Enjoy the warmth of your spouse, your children, and your God. Find your place of tenderness, and kindness with others and let it be a source of strength in your life.