Spring is in full bloom now. My roses are beginning to be heavy with flowers, and most of the early bulbs and lilies are finished. The trees are almost fully leafed out. I have a tulip tree that still has blossoms all over it, and the sparrows are going crazy feasting on whatever feasts on the tulip tree blossoms. We've had a wonderful mid-April through early May rain season as well as wonderful temperatures. Spring is already my favorite season of the year (my wife loves Fall more), but this year Spring has been a joy. Every year I look forward to it, but sometimes winter hangs on too long and we end up with no fruit on the trees or the vines. So, I am always grateful for this kind of Spring.
Who am I grateful to? God, of course!! I trust He knows what we need, even if sometimes His plan doesn't quite fulfill my idea of what He should do. As someone who grew up in the southwestern city of El Paso, Texas, I appreciate the full on green of Harrison, Arkansas. Everything, everyone, and yes, even everyplace, has good things about them, and bad. Growing up in El Paso, the daily paper kept a small little corner of the front page reserved for the "Sunshine Report". The report simply kept a tabulation of how many days the sun shined over the city. It didn't matter if the sun only came out for just a few minutes, it was still enough to add to the total. I don't remember what year it was, but I do remember reading on one particular day that the sun had shone for 3,242 days. I remember it because that day I went to school and wrote it on the chalkboard. It impressed me that in just under ten years, the sun had shone that many days in a row. During the day, my remark got the most remarks I'd ever got from anything I'd ever wrote. (My English teacher gave me a small corner in which to write my musings, and poetry. Blame her for this blog.) The remarks went from "understated wow!", to "The sun is always shining, dummy!" Reading those remarks left me a little hurt. Was I truly the only one who thought it was amazing that this city had been blessed with a glimpse of the sun every day for over nine years? It wasn't miraculous, nor was it even momentous, it was simply noteworthy.
Since that time, I've lived in different parts of the country where the weather can hide the sun for as long as fourteen days in a row. (Talk about cabin fever.) I remember a winter in Mtn Home, Idaho where thanks to the ash from Mt. St. Helens, we had a winter with so much snow that I had to cross country ski to work for a week. Which even as bad as that was, is not as bad as I've heard about in different areas of the country. One thing I've learned as I've grown up, is that even as dark or stormy as the weather may be, I have to trust that somewhere above the storm, the sun is shining. So, my High School critic was really correct, just insensitive.
I trust God, that this lovely blue marble is still spinning as it should, and that it is still orbiting the sun as it should. I have to trust that even though I may not see it happening visibly with my eyes, I know it is happening.
The march of seasons is what allows this planet to support the mass of human beings living on its surface. I know from what I've seen in the historical record, that there have been times on this planet where seasons weren't that pronounced. There may come a day when through some amazing event, we may not see the sun, and this world will be thrown into chaos. If that day were to come, I would still trust God's plan because I know Him. I trust Him to continue to guide this amazing planet in its path through the solar system. The only other alternative is to live in fear.
As I watch the little sparrows going about their daily life, I wonder if they even have a clue as to how precarious the perch is that we all share on this amazing course through space? Do they have an innate knowledge of God's provision? Do they even care? Do they trust? These question often come to me while I watch their antics. My heart tells me they don't, but then I wonder how I do?
Lucky sparrows.
Tuesday, May 7, 2019
Friday, April 19, 2019
TIME AND SPARROWS
I've often wondered if the little sparrows out in my yard are aware of time. Do they mark their days by how long they have lived, or how many days they have left? Do they mark their days at all? Are we the only creatures on this planet who are aware of time? We are obsessed with time, and it influences every aspect of our lives. Almost midway through my sixth generation on this earth, I'm keenly aware of time. Both of my male grandparents died in their early sixties, and I've lived longer than both of them. Do I have enough time left on this vale to do the things I dreamed of doing as a young man? As I watch the sparrows flitting around in my front yard, I find myself wondering how old each one is. I've learned to tell the difference between male and females by the coloration of their heads, but I don't have a clue as to how old a sparrow is. I did some research and found out that sparrows have a life expectancy of three to five years in the wild. I was shocked when I found that out. Then again, I don't think they are concerned about it. You never see bird sized Mylar balloons tied to a limb above the nest declaring the residents birthday. Is time only important to us?
Why is time important to us? Everything we do on this earth is measured in time. I love to ask pre-schoolers how old they are. They usually respond with a corresponding number of fingers and then for some inexplicable reason they will add a fraction to their declaration. "I'm three and a half!" With the half being important in a way that I don't understand. I probably did when I was three and a half, but not now. Time moves so quickly now at this point in my life, I quickly add the next year just a couple of months after my birthday. So much of how we live on this planet is governed by time. We are paid for a combination of our skills and time, with the true value being time. Without fail, I've watched those who are paid a salary eventually do the math to discover what their time is worth. Even doctors and lawyers measure their services in time. At the end of our days, the march of time has been the measure of worth.
As Christians we have a unique view of time. We are keenly aware of the history that proceeded us, and we are hopeful of the eternity that will follow our departure from this vale. We even have mental imagery of our eternal home framed from a few words in a book that very few seem to believe in any more. Yet, at the end of our days I've watched Christians cling to this life as if it were the only existence they'll ever know. It isn't an accident that the best medical treatments, and hospitals are in predominantly Christian nations. Christians value life, and for some strange reason we are focused on making it last as long as possible. Whether the scientists, and doctors who practice medicine believe in God or not, the people they treat do.
I had a good friend in the Lord present a graphic that has ministered to me time and again. He used our video projector to show a small dot in the center of the screen. He made the statement that he wanted that dot to represent a lifetime of 90 years. If he zoomed in, the dot soon filled the screen. At first you could see the pixels at the edge of the dot, and then nothing but a black screen. Then as he zoomed out, the dot completely disappeared. Zooming out is the same as viewing our lives through eternity. Of the billions and billions of lives that have filled this earth, there are very few who have achieved immortality by being remembered throughout the eons of time. Yet, for the Christian we believe in immortality even if we aren't remembered by those who follow us. This life should be measured by how we love in the few short days we have on this vale. Our mistakes, successes, and our dreams have but a few moments to shine in this tent we live in. I believe that in the long run, love is the only thing that conquers time. It was God's love for us that brought us into existence, and it is His love that takes us into the future. Time is not a captor, jailer, or measure of our value. We look for the day when time is of no consequence to us and all the good we did will be revealed. That is our hope.
I have no great feats that I've done upon this vale. As far as I know, I've not saved one life through my actions. I can count on the fingers of two hands the number of souls that I've personally led to a knowledge of Jesus Christ. Sure I've preached and seen people come up and give their lives to serve Jesus, but there is a difference. If I'm remembered at all after I'm gone, I want to be remembered as a teacher of men. I want to someday be walking on whatever heavenly street I live on and have someone come up to me and say; 'because of you, I know Jesus.' That will be worth it for me.
You see, from the moment I was conceived, I was dying. Time came to me, and when I leave, time will go on. I have no desire to live forever upon this ragged earth. This vale is too cruel, and of late, it appears to be more so. I am weary of the killing, and cruelty I see. I'm weary of the hatred toward one another just because of where you were born. I am weary of the anger, and struggle between ideas that we all want to enforce upon another. Despite my weariness, I'm happy to be alive. I'm thrilled to still have a choice. That is why I believe in Christianity, it is a choice. You don't have to agree with me, because you don't have to believe. It may insult you that I believe in a better place for those who believe in Jesus Christ, but in the end why does it offend you? Is it because you're not sure eternity awaits you? There's the rub!!!!
No one can be sure. Even the most devout atheist has to believe there isn't a God, and because it is a belief, it also means, you aren't sure. You don't have empirical evidence. Sad isn't it? Time marches on, and in the end the lingering question is; "is there more to life than this?" Once I pass this vale, why would I care enough to come back and prove there is more? Can I come back? Christians have those answers, but they require faith. It's almost laughable, if it wasn't so sad. I don't believe this life is all there is, I can't even do a 'what if'. When I lay this mortal tent aside, I will have lived well, and loved as well as I could. I have done nothing worthy of eternal remembrance, but this earth isn't immortal. It too will be rolled up like a scroll and our dying sun will destroy it in a fiery death throe. Still the universe will go on. My life will be just another small breath in billions breathed upon this doomed planet. Eternity will be a celebration of lives lived, yes even mine. My dot in the frame of eternity will be happy. I will go to my grave, happy, and wake happy.
I don't know if there is an eternity for sparrows. Now that I know they have short life spans, my heart breaks for them. How old is the plump little guy who's working his way beneath my Clematis right now? Will he be here next spring? Will I?
Time will tell.
Why is time important to us? Everything we do on this earth is measured in time. I love to ask pre-schoolers how old they are. They usually respond with a corresponding number of fingers and then for some inexplicable reason they will add a fraction to their declaration. "I'm three and a half!" With the half being important in a way that I don't understand. I probably did when I was three and a half, but not now. Time moves so quickly now at this point in my life, I quickly add the next year just a couple of months after my birthday. So much of how we live on this planet is governed by time. We are paid for a combination of our skills and time, with the true value being time. Without fail, I've watched those who are paid a salary eventually do the math to discover what their time is worth. Even doctors and lawyers measure their services in time. At the end of our days, the march of time has been the measure of worth.
As Christians we have a unique view of time. We are keenly aware of the history that proceeded us, and we are hopeful of the eternity that will follow our departure from this vale. We even have mental imagery of our eternal home framed from a few words in a book that very few seem to believe in any more. Yet, at the end of our days I've watched Christians cling to this life as if it were the only existence they'll ever know. It isn't an accident that the best medical treatments, and hospitals are in predominantly Christian nations. Christians value life, and for some strange reason we are focused on making it last as long as possible. Whether the scientists, and doctors who practice medicine believe in God or not, the people they treat do.
I had a good friend in the Lord present a graphic that has ministered to me time and again. He used our video projector to show a small dot in the center of the screen. He made the statement that he wanted that dot to represent a lifetime of 90 years. If he zoomed in, the dot soon filled the screen. At first you could see the pixels at the edge of the dot, and then nothing but a black screen. Then as he zoomed out, the dot completely disappeared. Zooming out is the same as viewing our lives through eternity. Of the billions and billions of lives that have filled this earth, there are very few who have achieved immortality by being remembered throughout the eons of time. Yet, for the Christian we believe in immortality even if we aren't remembered by those who follow us. This life should be measured by how we love in the few short days we have on this vale. Our mistakes, successes, and our dreams have but a few moments to shine in this tent we live in. I believe that in the long run, love is the only thing that conquers time. It was God's love for us that brought us into existence, and it is His love that takes us into the future. Time is not a captor, jailer, or measure of our value. We look for the day when time is of no consequence to us and all the good we did will be revealed. That is our hope.
I have no great feats that I've done upon this vale. As far as I know, I've not saved one life through my actions. I can count on the fingers of two hands the number of souls that I've personally led to a knowledge of Jesus Christ. Sure I've preached and seen people come up and give their lives to serve Jesus, but there is a difference. If I'm remembered at all after I'm gone, I want to be remembered as a teacher of men. I want to someday be walking on whatever heavenly street I live on and have someone come up to me and say; 'because of you, I know Jesus.' That will be worth it for me.
You see, from the moment I was conceived, I was dying. Time came to me, and when I leave, time will go on. I have no desire to live forever upon this ragged earth. This vale is too cruel, and of late, it appears to be more so. I am weary of the killing, and cruelty I see. I'm weary of the hatred toward one another just because of where you were born. I am weary of the anger, and struggle between ideas that we all want to enforce upon another. Despite my weariness, I'm happy to be alive. I'm thrilled to still have a choice. That is why I believe in Christianity, it is a choice. You don't have to agree with me, because you don't have to believe. It may insult you that I believe in a better place for those who believe in Jesus Christ, but in the end why does it offend you? Is it because you're not sure eternity awaits you? There's the rub!!!!
No one can be sure. Even the most devout atheist has to believe there isn't a God, and because it is a belief, it also means, you aren't sure. You don't have empirical evidence. Sad isn't it? Time marches on, and in the end the lingering question is; "is there more to life than this?" Once I pass this vale, why would I care enough to come back and prove there is more? Can I come back? Christians have those answers, but they require faith. It's almost laughable, if it wasn't so sad. I don't believe this life is all there is, I can't even do a 'what if'. When I lay this mortal tent aside, I will have lived well, and loved as well as I could. I have done nothing worthy of eternal remembrance, but this earth isn't immortal. It too will be rolled up like a scroll and our dying sun will destroy it in a fiery death throe. Still the universe will go on. My life will be just another small breath in billions breathed upon this doomed planet. Eternity will be a celebration of lives lived, yes even mine. My dot in the frame of eternity will be happy. I will go to my grave, happy, and wake happy.
I don't know if there is an eternity for sparrows. Now that I know they have short life spans, my heart breaks for them. How old is the plump little guy who's working his way beneath my Clematis right now? Will he be here next spring? Will I?
Time will tell.
Friday, March 22, 2019
THE AMAZING
With all of my years of writing this blog, I don't think I've ever disparaged my little sparrows. They go about their short lifetimes flitting from place to place, chittering and chattering, without a clue that they are a source of entertainment for one little old man. I never see their nests, but I know they have young. I never know their names, but they seem to know one another. They live out their lives without worry or fear of whether they will have enough to eat, or whether they have the latest...whatever is the latest in sparrow life. Human beings seem to be the only creatures who concern themselves with the next moment in life. No matter how many movies Hollywood tries to make showing animals talking or going about their lives, they are actually reflecting us. We are amazing creatures! Apparently unique in our approach to life. We are the only creatures that seem to demonstrate the amazing capacity for love.
The kind of love I'm talking about is not affection, devotion, lust, or loyalty. These traits are commonly attributed to animals, and we see them at work every day in our pets. My wife has a dog, I don't. It's her dog, and I purposely let it imprint upon her. We've given Bea a home now for ten years, and she is a daily part of Glenda's life. Bea brings Glenda joy, and a sense of purpose that disappeared when our children became adults and moved away from home. Bea does funny things that I interpret through my human lens, but I do know one thing, she doesn't love Glenda the way that Glenda loves her. Human love is amazing!
Love is THE amazing! I'm often saddened when I see the word love misused in movies, and in music. Love gets confused with lust, infatuation, interest, and host of other character traits in our modern society. Even Christians who proclaim their belief in the embodiment of love in Christ miss the mark. Our failure to understand love isn't because we don't have examples, it's because real love demands that WE die. Real love stands above selfish concerns, and places the needs of another above ourselves. Sadly, I know I haven't arrived there, yet. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I never seem to move in 'The Amazing' as I see others do. I know why, it's because of fear. The bible tells us that 'perfect love casts out fear', but I watch myself become a victim to fear every day, even when I don't want to.
Today, I see fear mongering in every aspect of our lives. Fear dominates our politics, businesses, and most of our relationships. One thing that alerts me to when love is not the main factor in someone's life is when they say; "But what about me?" The minute I hear that statement in its many variations, I cringe. They've lost sight of the amazing! The minute we begin to wonder if someone around us got more than we did, or received something we didn't, then we've embraced fear and abandoned the amazing. When we're worried that the guy next to us got a raise and we didn't, we've abandoned the amazing. Fear is the thief that robs us of the amazing.
When we are young hormonal animals, we often confuse love with lust. The amazing gets replaced with passion, and passion becomes the driving force. As the premarital counselor for our faith fellowship, I know that passion and lust are the operating factors in the choice of a spouse. As I counsel these young people I try to warn them that the passion they feel now will diminish. I warn them that they shouldn't make the ordinary normal function of reproduction the measuring stick for the amazing.
There never seems to be a consequence for throwing ourselves at one another until it produces the fruit of our lusts. For, while we are creatures capable of amazing love, we are also capable of reproducing that love in the form of children. Then we truly discover The Amazing, and many like myself, realize that we were not prepared for the amazing gift of life entrusted to us. It is from that point on, when we hold the consequences of our passions, that we realize we are looking at the amazing.
Not long ago, I had a DNA test given to me for a Christmas present. I did the test, and have had my eyes opened to the power of the amazing. I won't say how many, and I won't say how they are connected to me, but I've been contacted by a lot of people wanting to know why my DNA showed up in their list of matches. Most of the time, it is people who were given up for adoption looking for their parents. One question I ask is if the adopted person had good adoptive parents, and almost all of the time the answer is yes. I think the bigger question these people are asking is; 'Why wasn't I amazing enough to keep?' 'Why would they abandon me like that?' See what I mean by fear stealing love. It didn't matter that they were loved by complete strangers who chose to make them a part of their lives. It seems to only matter why they were rejected. No matter how I try to help them find whatever parent they are missing, I know they are looking for 'The Amazing.' They are looking for love!
Because this blog is always about the peace of God, let me say clearly that true love brings peace. I've only ever been at peace when I've been embraced in love, or giving love. That is the power of the amazing! Without love there can't be peace, because there is no fear in love. Fear never has peace, but thankfully love will truly conquer all. We just have to let it.
The kind of love I'm talking about is not affection, devotion, lust, or loyalty. These traits are commonly attributed to animals, and we see them at work every day in our pets. My wife has a dog, I don't. It's her dog, and I purposely let it imprint upon her. We've given Bea a home now for ten years, and she is a daily part of Glenda's life. Bea brings Glenda joy, and a sense of purpose that disappeared when our children became adults and moved away from home. Bea does funny things that I interpret through my human lens, but I do know one thing, she doesn't love Glenda the way that Glenda loves her. Human love is amazing!
Love is THE amazing! I'm often saddened when I see the word love misused in movies, and in music. Love gets confused with lust, infatuation, interest, and host of other character traits in our modern society. Even Christians who proclaim their belief in the embodiment of love in Christ miss the mark. Our failure to understand love isn't because we don't have examples, it's because real love demands that WE die. Real love stands above selfish concerns, and places the needs of another above ourselves. Sadly, I know I haven't arrived there, yet. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I never seem to move in 'The Amazing' as I see others do. I know why, it's because of fear. The bible tells us that 'perfect love casts out fear', but I watch myself become a victim to fear every day, even when I don't want to.
Today, I see fear mongering in every aspect of our lives. Fear dominates our politics, businesses, and most of our relationships. One thing that alerts me to when love is not the main factor in someone's life is when they say; "But what about me?" The minute I hear that statement in its many variations, I cringe. They've lost sight of the amazing! The minute we begin to wonder if someone around us got more than we did, or received something we didn't, then we've embraced fear and abandoned the amazing. When we're worried that the guy next to us got a raise and we didn't, we've abandoned the amazing. Fear is the thief that robs us of the amazing.
When we are young hormonal animals, we often confuse love with lust. The amazing gets replaced with passion, and passion becomes the driving force. As the premarital counselor for our faith fellowship, I know that passion and lust are the operating factors in the choice of a spouse. As I counsel these young people I try to warn them that the passion they feel now will diminish. I warn them that they shouldn't make the ordinary normal function of reproduction the measuring stick for the amazing.
There never seems to be a consequence for throwing ourselves at one another until it produces the fruit of our lusts. For, while we are creatures capable of amazing love, we are also capable of reproducing that love in the form of children. Then we truly discover The Amazing, and many like myself, realize that we were not prepared for the amazing gift of life entrusted to us. It is from that point on, when we hold the consequences of our passions, that we realize we are looking at the amazing.
Not long ago, I had a DNA test given to me for a Christmas present. I did the test, and have had my eyes opened to the power of the amazing. I won't say how many, and I won't say how they are connected to me, but I've been contacted by a lot of people wanting to know why my DNA showed up in their list of matches. Most of the time, it is people who were given up for adoption looking for their parents. One question I ask is if the adopted person had good adoptive parents, and almost all of the time the answer is yes. I think the bigger question these people are asking is; 'Why wasn't I amazing enough to keep?' 'Why would they abandon me like that?' See what I mean by fear stealing love. It didn't matter that they were loved by complete strangers who chose to make them a part of their lives. It seems to only matter why they were rejected. No matter how I try to help them find whatever parent they are missing, I know they are looking for 'The Amazing.' They are looking for love!
Because this blog is always about the peace of God, let me say clearly that true love brings peace. I've only ever been at peace when I've been embraced in love, or giving love. That is the power of the amazing! Without love there can't be peace, because there is no fear in love. Fear never has peace, but thankfully love will truly conquer all. We just have to let it.
Saturday, March 2, 2019
The Secret to Happiness
There is a secret to being happy. It isn't free health care, free college, free lunches, free houses, or anything politicians try to tell you will make you happy. The secret to happiness isn't in money, things, or even in great power. The secret to happiness is being content. Personally, I believe if more of us subscribed to contentment, it cold help improve the lives of people everywhere. Happiness isn't found just in Christianity, although I believe it goes a long way to making a difference.
Though I profess Christ, and live for my faith, the happiness that comes from contentment isn't in Christ either. I've seen too many people live happily without a faith in Christ to make it a prerequisite for happiness. At the same time I've seen far too many Christians living lives devoid of contentment, and wracked with despair. So, why am I writing about the secret to happiness in a blog dedicated to a profession in Jesus Christ?
The answer to that question is simple; I don't want to see my brothers and sisters in Christ looking for happiness in places that will not bring them any joy.
If you use a clinical description of happiness, you will discover it is fleeting in it's duration, but so powerful in it's force, that it makes everyone of us seek to be happy for but just a moment. Happiness is such a powerful emotion we look for ways to induce it. Within this need for happiness is the root of almost all of our addictions. Our bodies betray us because the 'high' from being happy is like nothing else we experience. The need to be happy whether through artificial means, or through natural means, can lead us into the depths of despair if we aren't careful. That doesn't mean our need for happiness is completely destructive. The 'arts' are born out of happiness. Games, comedies, jokes, hobbies, and yes, even storytelling in its many varied forms are a means to happiness. Sadly, the flood of hormones that accompanies true happiness is limited in its ability to be sustained for long periods of time. The greatest sorrow is when we live our lives in search of happiness instead of yielding to the joy found in every moment. When jobs, marriages, homes, cars, and the accessories of life become the driving force for satisfaction we miss the moments within ourselves that bring true happiness. This opens the door for disappointment, sorrow, and grief, which are far more easily sustained. Somehow, in the rush for a new 'happy' high, we leave the real source of happiness behind. This is true whether we are rich or poor, Christian or non-Christian. When contentment eludes us, happiness quickly flees.
Over my lifetime I've seen great men and women of God become lost and empty vessels devoid of joy, peace or happiness. Christians can easily be fooled into believing that a ministry, study, or even a cause will bring them happiness. Ministries can push you beyond your purpose in Christ into fears of failure fueled by the minister's comparison of their life with those of more successful ministries. People who feel bible study, or the search for spiritual truth can bring happiness often fail to discover that happiness, allowing the study itself to rob them of the joy found in living in the joy of the moment. Probably the worst thief of happiness among Christians is the need to defend their faith or advance that faith into secular causes. I've seen too many good Christians become enslaved to the angrier side of their passions to the point they hate the very people God has called us to reach.
Happiness is found in being content with forgiveness, and forgiving. This is the simple power we all carry within us, but it is the springboard for more joy than you can contain. So much of what I'm seeing in the news media today is driven by a failure to forgive, and let go. Then again, I know we can become consumed by our passions to the point where happiness is driven far from us. Political, cultural, religious, and ethnic diversity are important things when it comes to aligning ourselves in tribes. Belonging to a tribe can be a great source of joy and happiness, but if we allow them to exclude us from tolerance, and contentment, they can suck the happiness out of our lives. You hear a lot these days about 'diversity' but it seems the more diverse we attempt to be as a nation, the more unhappy we become. Diversity robs us of happiness by building walls of 'difference,' and before you know it, you don't have the happiness that comes from tolerating people who are different from you. "Intersectionality" is a word you hear a lot about lately because of the 'diversity' craze. It's the moment when the goals of one 'diverse' group conflicts with the goals of another. Someday, when the dust settles from this crazy need to be unique, we'll wonder how we allowed ourselves to be so overcome with the celebration of diversity. Instead of celebrating our humanity, we become obsessed with defending our uniqueness. At one point or another 'diversity' will bring you into conflict with another diverse person. This is why I said that many Christians aren't happy. Tolerance, which is simply forgiving another person for being different from you, is rarely practiced among denominations. It's the result of hundreds of years of conditioning, and is often based on tribalism, and in that alone, the fear of losing a unique identity.
Contentment speaks of true faith. I've seen it in the lives of those in foreign countries less prosperous than the United States. I've seen happiness in children's laughter everywhere I've been. That is why I can say that happiness isn't found in things, money, or power. Happiness is found in any moment you choose to savor and enjoy. I see it in my simple enjoyment of the sparrows that are carrying on outside my front door. I don't know why it brings me so much joy to look out my storm door and watch the antics of these tiny little creatures who inhabit my front yard. All I know is that they bring a smile to my face, which is usually a clue that I'm happy. It won't last for long, I'll have to close the door because it's getting colder, and they'll have to carry on without my observing them, but they will carry on. That brings another smile to my face.
Though I profess Christ, and live for my faith, the happiness that comes from contentment isn't in Christ either. I've seen too many people live happily without a faith in Christ to make it a prerequisite for happiness. At the same time I've seen far too many Christians living lives devoid of contentment, and wracked with despair. So, why am I writing about the secret to happiness in a blog dedicated to a profession in Jesus Christ?
The answer to that question is simple; I don't want to see my brothers and sisters in Christ looking for happiness in places that will not bring them any joy.
If you use a clinical description of happiness, you will discover it is fleeting in it's duration, but so powerful in it's force, that it makes everyone of us seek to be happy for but just a moment. Happiness is such a powerful emotion we look for ways to induce it. Within this need for happiness is the root of almost all of our addictions. Our bodies betray us because the 'high' from being happy is like nothing else we experience. The need to be happy whether through artificial means, or through natural means, can lead us into the depths of despair if we aren't careful. That doesn't mean our need for happiness is completely destructive. The 'arts' are born out of happiness. Games, comedies, jokes, hobbies, and yes, even storytelling in its many varied forms are a means to happiness. Sadly, the flood of hormones that accompanies true happiness is limited in its ability to be sustained for long periods of time. The greatest sorrow is when we live our lives in search of happiness instead of yielding to the joy found in every moment. When jobs, marriages, homes, cars, and the accessories of life become the driving force for satisfaction we miss the moments within ourselves that bring true happiness. This opens the door for disappointment, sorrow, and grief, which are far more easily sustained. Somehow, in the rush for a new 'happy' high, we leave the real source of happiness behind. This is true whether we are rich or poor, Christian or non-Christian. When contentment eludes us, happiness quickly flees.
Over my lifetime I've seen great men and women of God become lost and empty vessels devoid of joy, peace or happiness. Christians can easily be fooled into believing that a ministry, study, or even a cause will bring them happiness. Ministries can push you beyond your purpose in Christ into fears of failure fueled by the minister's comparison of their life with those of more successful ministries. People who feel bible study, or the search for spiritual truth can bring happiness often fail to discover that happiness, allowing the study itself to rob them of the joy found in living in the joy of the moment. Probably the worst thief of happiness among Christians is the need to defend their faith or advance that faith into secular causes. I've seen too many good Christians become enslaved to the angrier side of their passions to the point they hate the very people God has called us to reach.
Happiness is found in being content with forgiveness, and forgiving. This is the simple power we all carry within us, but it is the springboard for more joy than you can contain. So much of what I'm seeing in the news media today is driven by a failure to forgive, and let go. Then again, I know we can become consumed by our passions to the point where happiness is driven far from us. Political, cultural, religious, and ethnic diversity are important things when it comes to aligning ourselves in tribes. Belonging to a tribe can be a great source of joy and happiness, but if we allow them to exclude us from tolerance, and contentment, they can suck the happiness out of our lives. You hear a lot these days about 'diversity' but it seems the more diverse we attempt to be as a nation, the more unhappy we become. Diversity robs us of happiness by building walls of 'difference,' and before you know it, you don't have the happiness that comes from tolerating people who are different from you. "Intersectionality" is a word you hear a lot about lately because of the 'diversity' craze. It's the moment when the goals of one 'diverse' group conflicts with the goals of another. Someday, when the dust settles from this crazy need to be unique, we'll wonder how we allowed ourselves to be so overcome with the celebration of diversity. Instead of celebrating our humanity, we become obsessed with defending our uniqueness. At one point or another 'diversity' will bring you into conflict with another diverse person. This is why I said that many Christians aren't happy. Tolerance, which is simply forgiving another person for being different from you, is rarely practiced among denominations. It's the result of hundreds of years of conditioning, and is often based on tribalism, and in that alone, the fear of losing a unique identity.
Contentment speaks of true faith. I've seen it in the lives of those in foreign countries less prosperous than the United States. I've seen happiness in children's laughter everywhere I've been. That is why I can say that happiness isn't found in things, money, or power. Happiness is found in any moment you choose to savor and enjoy. I see it in my simple enjoyment of the sparrows that are carrying on outside my front door. I don't know why it brings me so much joy to look out my storm door and watch the antics of these tiny little creatures who inhabit my front yard. All I know is that they bring a smile to my face, which is usually a clue that I'm happy. It won't last for long, I'll have to close the door because it's getting colder, and they'll have to carry on without my observing them, but they will carry on. That brings another smile to my face.
Sunday, February 3, 2019
ALIVE
There are times I say things out of habit I wish I wouldn't say. Most of my habitual speech is a product of over fifty years of being a Christian. A good portion of that speech isn't found in the bible, but grew in Christian circles because it sounded good. The other day I was talking to a friend of over 20 years when I suddenly realized how cliche I'd become. Out of habit, he asked me how I was doing. I have a small group of answers I use based upon who I'm talking to. Some of them are cute, some of them are dull, and some of them are MEANT to be spiritual.
"Praise God, I woke up alive and breathing, so I guess I'm doing good." I replied.
As soon as I said it I felt pricked in my heart. Don't get me wrong, I've said something like this for a good portion of my life. I remember hearing it for the first time as a teenager from an evangelist who said that anytime you wake up in the morning, you are blessed. So, I've wrapped it up in my own special flavoring and done many different variations on that theme. This time, I was stopped in my tracks. There was so much wrong with what I'd said. I stumbled around for a few seconds trying to figure out what I'd just done, and mostly to listen to Holy Spirit to tell me why He'd elbowed me in my spirit. It only took a few more seconds, by which time I'm sure my friend was mystified by the look of confusion on my face. My banter is usually fluid, easy, and quick. Occasionally, I'll stumble around, but never over a greeting. Suddenly I knew what I'd said glorified this life, and not the eternal life to which I place my hope.
At 64 years of age, I am at the point in my life where my parents are nearing the end of their days. Both of my wife's parents have passed on. At one time, I had over thirteen aunts and uncles, now that list is down to four. Three of my older cousins have passed this vale, and I don't know how long I have. I'm not eager to die, nor do I believe this life is dreary enough to warrant departing by my own hand. Yet, within me is the knowledge that I have a ticket to a better life, a different home, a brighter place, and a love greater than any I can ever know on this earth, and I've known love!
As Christians, I believe we can worship this life to the point that it becomes an idol. We accumulate things that won't go in our coffins, we boast of our achievements that will be forgotten the moment we pass, and our money is more often spent on comfort than the needs of others. These are the things that Christ warned us about. We weren't supposed to make this place our home.
A few years back someone I know lost their grandfather. This simple man of God would go out every morning and walk about two miles out and then head back to his rural home. This was his time of prayer. It was when he chose to talk to Jesus. One morning as he walked, and prayed, a vehicle struck him and he passed from life to life. One moment he was talking with Jesus, and the next he was with Jesus. While people were stunned by the suddenness of his death, and brokenhearted by their loss, he was celebrated for his life, and applauded into his glorious life.
Another breath is simply more time to do the work I was purposed to do. So, as my friend sat there wondering where I went in my brain, I remembered what my purpose was, and why my glib reply bugged me.
"I'm sorry for what I said." I replied. "I'm doing well, praise God, but someday, I'll be doing better."
I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for hanging on to this life. It is our nature to survive, and for our bodies to cling to life. I begrudge no one the battle to live another day. On the other hand, moving on isn't the end. That is where the peace of God is.
Sadly this morning, my lawn is quiet. The chatter of sparrows hasn't started because the sun hasn't even turned the horizon a dark blue yet. It won't rise for another hour and I am about to go to church. I'll worship God for the life he's given me, and the eternal life I have through His Son, Jesus. If I pass this vale today, then I'll wait for all of you who are my friends. Well, maybe I won't wait. I'll just see you there.
"Praise God, I woke up alive and breathing, so I guess I'm doing good." I replied.
As soon as I said it I felt pricked in my heart. Don't get me wrong, I've said something like this for a good portion of my life. I remember hearing it for the first time as a teenager from an evangelist who said that anytime you wake up in the morning, you are blessed. So, I've wrapped it up in my own special flavoring and done many different variations on that theme. This time, I was stopped in my tracks. There was so much wrong with what I'd said. I stumbled around for a few seconds trying to figure out what I'd just done, and mostly to listen to Holy Spirit to tell me why He'd elbowed me in my spirit. It only took a few more seconds, by which time I'm sure my friend was mystified by the look of confusion on my face. My banter is usually fluid, easy, and quick. Occasionally, I'll stumble around, but never over a greeting. Suddenly I knew what I'd said glorified this life, and not the eternal life to which I place my hope.
At 64 years of age, I am at the point in my life where my parents are nearing the end of their days. Both of my wife's parents have passed on. At one time, I had over thirteen aunts and uncles, now that list is down to four. Three of my older cousins have passed this vale, and I don't know how long I have. I'm not eager to die, nor do I believe this life is dreary enough to warrant departing by my own hand. Yet, within me is the knowledge that I have a ticket to a better life, a different home, a brighter place, and a love greater than any I can ever know on this earth, and I've known love!
As Christians, I believe we can worship this life to the point that it becomes an idol. We accumulate things that won't go in our coffins, we boast of our achievements that will be forgotten the moment we pass, and our money is more often spent on comfort than the needs of others. These are the things that Christ warned us about. We weren't supposed to make this place our home.
A few years back someone I know lost their grandfather. This simple man of God would go out every morning and walk about two miles out and then head back to his rural home. This was his time of prayer. It was when he chose to talk to Jesus. One morning as he walked, and prayed, a vehicle struck him and he passed from life to life. One moment he was talking with Jesus, and the next he was with Jesus. While people were stunned by the suddenness of his death, and brokenhearted by their loss, he was celebrated for his life, and applauded into his glorious life.
Another breath is simply more time to do the work I was purposed to do. So, as my friend sat there wondering where I went in my brain, I remembered what my purpose was, and why my glib reply bugged me.
"I'm sorry for what I said." I replied. "I'm doing well, praise God, but someday, I'll be doing better."
I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for hanging on to this life. It is our nature to survive, and for our bodies to cling to life. I begrudge no one the battle to live another day. On the other hand, moving on isn't the end. That is where the peace of God is.
Sadly this morning, my lawn is quiet. The chatter of sparrows hasn't started because the sun hasn't even turned the horizon a dark blue yet. It won't rise for another hour and I am about to go to church. I'll worship God for the life he's given me, and the eternal life I have through His Son, Jesus. If I pass this vale today, then I'll wait for all of you who are my friends. Well, maybe I won't wait. I'll just see you there.
Thursday, January 24, 2019
Light In The Darkness
Our Pastor, Eric Goff, preached a wonderful sermon the other day on light. Yep, you heard me right, light. It struck a chord with me because of my love of science, and my faith.
Light is a recurring theme in Christianity. Jesus spoke of it often, as did many of the different writers of the New Testament. In spiritual terms, light is an analogy for God. Yet, as anyone knows, light as we know it, was spoken into existence by God. He preceded light. Our existence is the direct result of life speaking into light which then illuminated the darkness. Darkness will never overcome light. It is impossible. Even the most super massive black hole is identified by visible and invisible light streaming to and out of it. Even if there was only one star in this universe, the light of that one star would shine brightly for all the universe to see. It isn't a war, and it isn't even a battle, darkness will never overcome the light. It may surround, oppress, and even suppress the light, but light will win.
While many Christians tend to look at light and dark in terms of a battle between good and evil, that isn't what God intended. This mistaken analogy is what drives people away from the truth of God's love and His plan for our lives. Darkness isn't some vast wasteland populated with the zombies of sin, anymore than the light is a bunch of hymn singing automatons repeating endless spiritual platitudes. Darkness is fear, and light is love. That is why the scripture says in 1 John 4:18 that there is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out all fear..... This scripture in and by itself is what every Christian should live by. When we choose to live by fear, we walk away from love. The symptoms of fear are hate, envy, murder, and theft. I can distill all fear down to one sin, thievery.
The symptoms of love are life, peace, joy, tenderness, compassion, and most importantly, love. The power of love to light up the darkness is the power of the gospel. As Christians it is easy to forget this power exists in us as we see fear pressing in on us from all sides. Nothing made that more clear to me than what happened this last week with the Covington Catholic students at the Nation's capital. In less than a couple of months this crisis will be a vague memory as are all of the contrived political battle created by both side of the political divide. If you shine the light of love into the situation, there is no story. Yet, for many Christians this became one more example of the hatred of the left for people of faith. FEAR on the part of Christians. Can't we release our politics for just a few moments to state the obvious. A group of teenage boys went to the Capital to express their support for the lives of the unborn. It is part of their religious belief system. Being from Kentucky, I doubt seriously any of these teens knew about the perils of addressing adult concepts in the face of those who have different views. In defense of them, I believe they handled the situation much better than I would have. So what was the fear?
Could a bunch of Catholic teens in any way threaten the group of black protesters taunting them? How is a pasted on smile a smirk? How could love change the situation from one of fear into one of love?
Can anyone speak to the wisdom of a young teen boy standing stock still in the face of angry voices all around him? Will anyone admit that this young teen and his friends behaved admirably in a potentially volatile situation? I doubt it. Yet I want to scream at the top of my lungs, 'Well done!"
I don't think I've read too many articles that haven't mentioned the 'Red MAGA' hat. It was as if it was the trigger for everything that happened. How dare a young teen boy from a conservative Catholic school in Kentucky wear a MAGA hat to our Capital. Will anyone admit that even the word 'trigger' is an acknowledgment that fear is at work. Fear needs triggers. Fear is a trigger. We can choose to ignore the triggers or we can magnify them.
Yesterday, I went to visit my aunt in Oklahoma. She is in ill health, and at 80 years old, I know that her time on this earth is limited. She is a liberal, and I am conservative. Over the years we've had many fiery debates, but at the end of each one is a knowledge that crushes the fear caused by political differences. I love her with all of my heart, and she loves me just the same. The love we feel for one another doesn't remove our ideologies but it does soften the edges where we bump against one another. All through the day yesterday it would have been easy to bring up the issues that divide us, but we both laid aside our political passions to celebrate our love for one another. It is obvious from the passage of time that I will never make her a conservative, and she will never make me a liberal. Yet, we both mourned the climate of hate promoted by both sides respectively, and said as much.
Fear can't defeat love.
It would be easy to become fearful as I watch the tide of public sentiment turning against those who practice their faith. I'm not afraid of public opinion more than I am of God's opinion. I have to admit, that as a Christian, I am heartbroken by the insinuation of racism, phobias, and accusations of hate thrown at me simply because I choose to believe in Jesus Christ. I was a Christian at 10 years of age, and I do not have the power to change the foundations of my belief. I didn't write the book I believe in. The Word of God existed before me, it exists outside of my existence, and it will exist even if every Bible is burned in a huge bonfire. If someday, I am persecuted, tried, and jailed for believing in Jesus Christ, I will gladly continue to live by faith. I will also choose to live by love. I will choose to live out the light and shine it into the fear around me.
Maybe, just maybe something will happen that will unite our great nation once again. Sadly, I know enough to know that unity almost always comes at great cost.
Sadly, I can't even look to my little sparrows for hope concerning the unending struggle between light and dark. My little sparrow friends are out in the front yard pecking at the grass. I don't know what they are eating amidst the dead blades of grass on this winter's day, but every once in a while, one bully sparrow will push another one away. Then as if to accentuate the struggle, our resident cardinal suddenly scatters every bird in the yard. With a great flurry he takes whatever he swooped in for away to a tree branch. I assure you, the cardinal has a predator that scares him.
I hope and pray for the day when people no longer live in fear. I look for the day when we choose to live in peace with each other. I know how that day will come, but some people fear it.
Light is a recurring theme in Christianity. Jesus spoke of it often, as did many of the different writers of the New Testament. In spiritual terms, light is an analogy for God. Yet, as anyone knows, light as we know it, was spoken into existence by God. He preceded light. Our existence is the direct result of life speaking into light which then illuminated the darkness. Darkness will never overcome light. It is impossible. Even the most super massive black hole is identified by visible and invisible light streaming to and out of it. Even if there was only one star in this universe, the light of that one star would shine brightly for all the universe to see. It isn't a war, and it isn't even a battle, darkness will never overcome the light. It may surround, oppress, and even suppress the light, but light will win.
While many Christians tend to look at light and dark in terms of a battle between good and evil, that isn't what God intended. This mistaken analogy is what drives people away from the truth of God's love and His plan for our lives. Darkness isn't some vast wasteland populated with the zombies of sin, anymore than the light is a bunch of hymn singing automatons repeating endless spiritual platitudes. Darkness is fear, and light is love. That is why the scripture says in 1 John 4:18 that there is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out all fear..... This scripture in and by itself is what every Christian should live by. When we choose to live by fear, we walk away from love. The symptoms of fear are hate, envy, murder, and theft. I can distill all fear down to one sin, thievery.
The symptoms of love are life, peace, joy, tenderness, compassion, and most importantly, love. The power of love to light up the darkness is the power of the gospel. As Christians it is easy to forget this power exists in us as we see fear pressing in on us from all sides. Nothing made that more clear to me than what happened this last week with the Covington Catholic students at the Nation's capital. In less than a couple of months this crisis will be a vague memory as are all of the contrived political battle created by both side of the political divide. If you shine the light of love into the situation, there is no story. Yet, for many Christians this became one more example of the hatred of the left for people of faith. FEAR on the part of Christians. Can't we release our politics for just a few moments to state the obvious. A group of teenage boys went to the Capital to express their support for the lives of the unborn. It is part of their religious belief system. Being from Kentucky, I doubt seriously any of these teens knew about the perils of addressing adult concepts in the face of those who have different views. In defense of them, I believe they handled the situation much better than I would have. So what was the fear?
Could a bunch of Catholic teens in any way threaten the group of black protesters taunting them? How is a pasted on smile a smirk? How could love change the situation from one of fear into one of love?
Can anyone speak to the wisdom of a young teen boy standing stock still in the face of angry voices all around him? Will anyone admit that this young teen and his friends behaved admirably in a potentially volatile situation? I doubt it. Yet I want to scream at the top of my lungs, 'Well done!"
I don't think I've read too many articles that haven't mentioned the 'Red MAGA' hat. It was as if it was the trigger for everything that happened. How dare a young teen boy from a conservative Catholic school in Kentucky wear a MAGA hat to our Capital. Will anyone admit that even the word 'trigger' is an acknowledgment that fear is at work. Fear needs triggers. Fear is a trigger. We can choose to ignore the triggers or we can magnify them.
Yesterday, I went to visit my aunt in Oklahoma. She is in ill health, and at 80 years old, I know that her time on this earth is limited. She is a liberal, and I am conservative. Over the years we've had many fiery debates, but at the end of each one is a knowledge that crushes the fear caused by political differences. I love her with all of my heart, and she loves me just the same. The love we feel for one another doesn't remove our ideologies but it does soften the edges where we bump against one another. All through the day yesterday it would have been easy to bring up the issues that divide us, but we both laid aside our political passions to celebrate our love for one another. It is obvious from the passage of time that I will never make her a conservative, and she will never make me a liberal. Yet, we both mourned the climate of hate promoted by both sides respectively, and said as much.
Fear can't defeat love.
It would be easy to become fearful as I watch the tide of public sentiment turning against those who practice their faith. I'm not afraid of public opinion more than I am of God's opinion. I have to admit, that as a Christian, I am heartbroken by the insinuation of racism, phobias, and accusations of hate thrown at me simply because I choose to believe in Jesus Christ. I was a Christian at 10 years of age, and I do not have the power to change the foundations of my belief. I didn't write the book I believe in. The Word of God existed before me, it exists outside of my existence, and it will exist even if every Bible is burned in a huge bonfire. If someday, I am persecuted, tried, and jailed for believing in Jesus Christ, I will gladly continue to live by faith. I will also choose to live by love. I will choose to live out the light and shine it into the fear around me.
Maybe, just maybe something will happen that will unite our great nation once again. Sadly, I know enough to know that unity almost always comes at great cost.
Sadly, I can't even look to my little sparrows for hope concerning the unending struggle between light and dark. My little sparrow friends are out in the front yard pecking at the grass. I don't know what they are eating amidst the dead blades of grass on this winter's day, but every once in a while, one bully sparrow will push another one away. Then as if to accentuate the struggle, our resident cardinal suddenly scatters every bird in the yard. With a great flurry he takes whatever he swooped in for away to a tree branch. I assure you, the cardinal has a predator that scares him.
I hope and pray for the day when people no longer live in fear. I look for the day when we choose to live in peace with each other. I know how that day will come, but some people fear it.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
NEW YEAR, NEW THOUGHTS
The holidays are over and I'm wondering what the new year is going to bring. I've never been big on new year resolutions because they infer knowing that we have more than today. None of us know how long we have left in this life. I'm not morbid, or fatalistic, but there are some things that are simply the truth. I don't care who you are, how rich, powerful, strong, or healthy you are, you have no promise of tomorrow. So, New Years resolutions are a waste of energy.
What is the promise of New Years day? Why is it different than any other day? I think we make a big deal about it because we as human beings like to believe there is hope for something better. I used to view my days on this earth in terms of how old I am, and how many days I think I have left. With this new year has come new thoughts.
All I have is the next heartbeat, the next breath, the next thought. Everything I've framed my life in since I can remember has been focused on 'time.' Even my relationship with Jesus Christ is focused on time. Who I am is determined by time. To wax biblical, my days on this earth are marked by my white hair, and the wrinkles upon my face, but they don't define who I am inside. Still if someone were to see me, they would say I was 'old.' For a vertically challenged person like me, looking old was all I wanted to do. There was a day when it didn't matter how old I was, I was often viewed as being younger than 18. So, being old isn't something I'm worried about. Being at peace with God, myself, and others is.
Through faith in Christ, being at peace with God came a long time ago. Through that faith in Christ I have been able to live at peace with almost everyone around me. However, being at peace with myself is something that is a recent development. Even within that peace, I've been going through a major conflict in my life that has challenged me in every aspect of my life, even in my faith. I've alluded to it over the last few posts, but it seems to have come to a place where I don't think it will turn out the way I'd hoped. Time moves on, putting it's stamp upon every millisecond, minute, hour without seeing the resolution I'd hoped for. I wanted nothing but good in this situation, but it hasn't happened. For a long time I was walking around gritting my teeth, feeling helpless, and wishing for love to rule the day. Now I know I can only hope for this minute, this instant, this moment. I can't change others around me. I can only change me.
The first time I mentioned this in my blog I said it would be something I would look back on with an assurance that God has been with me throughout the whole thing. Even then I knew I would be at peace with the situation, but I wanted to be honest with my feelings as I went 'through' it.
It is time to reveal what I felt: First and foremost is a sense of deep disappointment with people I thought I knew as well as I know myself. I didn't feel betrayed, just disappointed. It's hard to judge someone when they disappoint you, because I know I've disappointed so many people in my life. I can't even be angry, just disappointed. Almost 60 years ago, someone I love made a fateful decision that has changed my life today. Nothing can alter the consequences of that decision, but I am determined to live every moment celebrating the love those consequences has brought into my life.
The other day I was discussing this with someone who is on the other side of the consequences, and they said something very profound that I'm going to hold onto for the rest of my moments. "Fear destroys Peace." I refuse to let fear, or disappointment control my life. Love is the best thing I can do, and I am determined to let love rule my life. Why? Because I don't have enough time to do anything else, I only have the next moment.
What is the promise of New Years day? Why is it different than any other day? I think we make a big deal about it because we as human beings like to believe there is hope for something better. I used to view my days on this earth in terms of how old I am, and how many days I think I have left. With this new year has come new thoughts.
All I have is the next heartbeat, the next breath, the next thought. Everything I've framed my life in since I can remember has been focused on 'time.' Even my relationship with Jesus Christ is focused on time. Who I am is determined by time. To wax biblical, my days on this earth are marked by my white hair, and the wrinkles upon my face, but they don't define who I am inside. Still if someone were to see me, they would say I was 'old.' For a vertically challenged person like me, looking old was all I wanted to do. There was a day when it didn't matter how old I was, I was often viewed as being younger than 18. So, being old isn't something I'm worried about. Being at peace with God, myself, and others is.
Through faith in Christ, being at peace with God came a long time ago. Through that faith in Christ I have been able to live at peace with almost everyone around me. However, being at peace with myself is something that is a recent development. Even within that peace, I've been going through a major conflict in my life that has challenged me in every aspect of my life, even in my faith. I've alluded to it over the last few posts, but it seems to have come to a place where I don't think it will turn out the way I'd hoped. Time moves on, putting it's stamp upon every millisecond, minute, hour without seeing the resolution I'd hoped for. I wanted nothing but good in this situation, but it hasn't happened. For a long time I was walking around gritting my teeth, feeling helpless, and wishing for love to rule the day. Now I know I can only hope for this minute, this instant, this moment. I can't change others around me. I can only change me.
The first time I mentioned this in my blog I said it would be something I would look back on with an assurance that God has been with me throughout the whole thing. Even then I knew I would be at peace with the situation, but I wanted to be honest with my feelings as I went 'through' it.
It is time to reveal what I felt: First and foremost is a sense of deep disappointment with people I thought I knew as well as I know myself. I didn't feel betrayed, just disappointed. It's hard to judge someone when they disappoint you, because I know I've disappointed so many people in my life. I can't even be angry, just disappointed. Almost 60 years ago, someone I love made a fateful decision that has changed my life today. Nothing can alter the consequences of that decision, but I am determined to live every moment celebrating the love those consequences has brought into my life.
The other day I was discussing this with someone who is on the other side of the consequences, and they said something very profound that I'm going to hold onto for the rest of my moments. "Fear destroys Peace." I refuse to let fear, or disappointment control my life. Love is the best thing I can do, and I am determined to let love rule my life. Why? Because I don't have enough time to do anything else, I only have the next moment.
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